Baby, It's Christmas & Hold Me, Cowboy Read online

Her gaze narrowed. Suddenly features that had been beautiful were now pinched. “We’ve been over this before. What exactly do you want from me? I told you I was pregnant because I thought it was the right thing to do. If I’d known you were going to talk me out of having an abortion, I wouldn’t have said a word. I did as you requested—I had the kid. Now I’m giving it up for adoption. The papers are signed. I’m not going to change my mind.”

  “I am,” he said quietly.

  She blinked at him. “What?”

  “I haven’t signed the papers, and I’m not going to. I want to keep the baby.”

  “Dammit, Tanner. What the hell are you thinking? If you have some fantasy about a cozy family with me playing mommy, you can just forget it.”

  “I don’t,” he told her. “This isn’t about you. As far as you’re concerned, nothing has to change. I’m going to have a lawyer draw up some papers. Basically you walk away from the kid, and I keep her. You don’t ask to see her, and I don’t ask for support. It’s just like the adoption, only I’m going to be the one taking her.”

  She brushed at her smooth bangs. Her nails were long and painted a dark shade of pink. “Why don’t I believe you?”

  “I don’t know. I’m telling the truth.”

  She stared at him for a long time. Tanner held his breath. He knew that Lucy couldn’t stop him from keeping his daughter, but she could make things more complicated. Adoption, from her point of view, was much tidier than the father of her child wanting to muscle in on the action.

  “This isn’t about you,” he said. “It’s about me. I don’t want anything from you, except for you to sign the papers.”

  She continued to study him. “And if I don’t, you’ll haul me into court,” she said, her voice resigned. “After all, I’ve already agreed to adoption, so I’ve indicated that I have no interest in my child.”

  “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I didn’t discuss that with my lawyer.”

  The bed had been raised so that she could sit upright but still lean against the pillows. Now she lowered the bed a few inches and closed her eyes.

  “I have a great job waiting for me in LA. I’m going to work for an agency that handles really high-powered actors, directors and producers. I’m going to be meeting these clients and entertaining them. This is my chance to move in those kinds of circles.” She opened her eyes and stared at him. “It’s what I’ve always wanted. I’m beautiful enough that I’ll attract the eye of some mogul type, and we’ll get married. I don’t care if it lasts—I just want to get my foot in the door. Once I’m there, I’ll make a place for myself.” She sighed. “Children have never been a part of my plan. I don’t want them. I don’t want ours.”

  Her flat statement shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. He wanted to rage at her, to tell her that he’d just held the most beautiful, perfect creature in the world. How could she walk away from their baby? But he didn’t say a word. For one thing, Lucy wasn’t going to change her mind. For another, selfishly, he wanted her gone. Lucy was many things, but maternal wasn’t one of them. In this case, their daughter would be better off without her mother around to mess with her head.

  “None of your plans are going to change,” he said. “All I’m asking is that you sign the papers allowing me sole custody of the baby.”

  “Do you really think you can do this? Raise a kid on your own? What do you know about babies?”

  “Less than nothing,” he admitted. “But I’m willing to learn. I can’t let her go, Lucy. I know that doesn’t make sense to you, but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

  Her expression turned wistful. “You’re a fool, Tanner Malone, but you’ve got a big heart. I guess that’s a start.”

  “I can’t regret her.”

  Lucy turned away. “I can. I guess that’s the difference.” She waved her left hand toward the door. “You know where I live. Have your lawyer draw up the papers and get them to me before Monday. I want to be in Los Angeles by Thanksgiving.” She looked back at him. “I don’t want this kid showing up in my life in twenty years. Tell him that.”

  “It’s a her.”

  “Whatever.”

  He nodded once. There were so many things he could have said, but why bother? He’d gotten what he was after. Maybe one day he would understand how someone who was so beautiful and perfect on the outside could be so incredibly ugly on the inside.

  “Thanks, Lucy. My lawyer will be in touch.” He turned to leave.

  “Tanner?”

  He paused and glanced back at her.

  She flashed him her best smile, the one that had first made him saunter across the room to engage her in conversation. This time all he could think of was that he couldn’t wait for her to be out of his life forever.

  “Thanks for the flowers.”

  He’d sent her a dozen roses when he’d found out she’d had the baby. He stared at the bright yellow buds, still tightly curled as if afraid to open and show themselves to the world. They were as coldly beautiful as she.

  “You’re welcome,” he said and walked out of her room. If all went well, he would never see her again. He prayed that was what would happen.

  He walked down the hallway, not really aware of his surroundings. While their relationship had been a short-lived mistake, the ramifications were about to change his life forever. Because of his incredibly poor taste in women, he was about to become a father. A smile tugged at his lips. Not a bad trade.

  He stopped and glanced around, then realized that he’d instinctively made his way back to the nursery. His gaze drifted over the sleeping babies before stopping on one in particular. He already recognized that precious face. His daughter.

  Panic flared in him again, along with apprehension and about fifteen other forms of “Oh, God, can I really do this?” But none of them were as strong as the sense of rightness in his heart. Maybe he was making a big mistake. Maybe he couldn’t do it, but he was determined to give it all he had. They would just have to learn this whole parent-kid thing together. She was his daughter, and he would die to protect her.

  “Boss?”

  He looked up and saw a bulldog of a man standing next to him. An unlit cigar poked out from puffy lips, while eyebrows drew together in a permanently worried frown.

  “What is it, Artie?” he asked.

  Artie was one of three foremen in charge of the new wing. Artie’s particular responsibility was coordinating the materials needed for construction.

  “Toilets,” Artie said glumly. He wasn’t a real happy guy at the best of times. “They’re wrong. We ordered fifty-six toilets, and what did they send? Bidets. You know, those weird-shaped things to wash your butt after—”

  Tanner choked back a laugh. “I know what a bidet is. Did you call the supplier?”

  “Sure, but they’re squawking about how long it’s gonna take to get new ones. I told ’em we don’t got time. In a few months, the wing opens, and those toilets better dang well be in place.”

  Tanner started walking toward the elevator. They had to go down to the ground floor to find their way into the construction area. Artie moved with him.

  “You’d think these bozos had never heard of a lightbulb before. And you won’t believe what they sent me instead.”

  Tanner’s brain quickly focused on the problems at hand. After he’d dealt with Artie, he needed to get an update from his other foremen, then make a quick tour of the work completed in the past couple of days. After that, he had reports and a meeting with his bookkeeper about who had been paid what. Then he was meeting Kelly Hall at six. Hell, it was never going to get done.

  But instead of being discouraged, he found himself continuing to smile. Because it wasn’t every day that a man became a father.

  * * *

  Kelly tapped her pen impatiently
against her desk. Be there, she willed silently, waiting for her friend to pick up the phone. While she waited, she glanced up at the clock. Her afternoon appointments started in ten minutes, which meant if Patricia didn’t pick up soon, they weren’t going to be able to talk until that evening. Kelly figured she’d disrupted her patients’ lives enough by having to cancel without warning if there was a baby to deliver—the least she could do was be on time when she was in the office.

  “Dr. Malone,” a familiar voice said crisply.

  Kelly sighed in relief. “It’s Kelly, and I did a really stupid thing.” She paused and tried to figure out the best way to ask her question. “I need you to tell me if your brother-in-law is a good man.”

  “Tanner is your stupid thing?” Patricia, a pediatrician and close friend for the past three years, laughed.

  “Sort of. Did you know about his baby?”

  “Sure,” Patricia said. “Ryan told me. Tanner was involved with some woman last spring. The relationship didn’t work out, but she ended up pregnant. She’s due anytime now, isn’t she?”

  “She had the baby today,” Kelly said.

  “I didn’t know that. Well, as I understand it, both she and Tanner agreed to give up the child for adoption. Is there a problem?”

  “That depends on whether or not Tanner is a decent guy. He changed his mind. He’s keeping his daughter.”

  This time Patricia was the one who got quiet. Kelly pictured her green eyes widening with shock as her mouth dropped open.

  “Tanner’s keeping the baby?”

  “That’s the plan. As far as I know Lucy will still be giving her up, so Tanner’s going to have sole custody. Do you think he can manage?” Kelly rubbed her temple. “I feel a little responsible. I’m the one who dragged him to the nursery so he could hold her. You know what it’s like to cradle a newborn.”

  “Pretty amazing,” Patricia agreed. “I’m stunned by the news. Fortunately, Tanner is a great guy. He’s wonderful with our kids, but honestly, he kind of avoided them until they started developing a personality. I don’t remember him being around all that much when they were newborns. Besides, being an uncle is very different from being a father.”

  “That’s what I think,” Kelly agreed. “I know that there are a lot of single parents, but most of them have some kind of warning. Tanner made his decision today, and the baby goes home tomorrow. Not much time to prepare.”

  “You’re right,” Patricia said. “He can’t even take a couple of weeks off because of the construction project at the hospital. He’s been working too many hours as it is, just to get things caught up. What was he thinking?”

  “So you think I was wrong to encourage him?”

  “Not for a minute,” Patricia told her. “All this stuff is just logistics, Kelly. How can it be wrong for a man to love his child? And don’t give me any lines about mothers being more nurturing. I don’t believe that, and I don’t think you do, either.”

  “No, I don’t.” How could she? Her mother had died shortly after she’d been born, and her father had raised her on his own. In her opinion, he’d done a wonderful job. She couldn’t imagine a parent being more supportive or caring.

  “So it’s just a matter of getting Tanner up to speed,” Patricia said. “I’m free tomorrow. I’ll check with Ryan and see if we can go over and help him. Maybe a couple of lessons with a doll will prepare him for that first diaper change.”

  The thought of Tanner Malone bent over, staring at the contents of a newborn’s diaper, made Kelly smile. “He’s not going to like that part at all.”

  “Few people do.”

  Kelly cleared her throat. “Yes, well, I’m going to help out, too. I figure it’s the least I could do after getting him in this mess.”

  “You’re not the one who had the baby.”

  Kelly could feel her cheeks getting hot, which was silly. She pressed the back of her free hand against her skin. “I know, but, well, anyway, I’m meeting him tonight. We’re going to a baby store, and I’m going to help him pick out furniture. I also thought I’d take him one of those books on what happens during the first year.”

  “Dr. Hall, do you sound flustered?”

  “Of course not. I’m just watching the clock. I have patients in a couple of minutes.”

  “I think not. I think you are, in fact, interested in Tanner.”

  “You’re crazy. I’m helping out a friend.”

  “Oh. When did you two become friends?”

  Kelly glared at the phone. “Fine. I’m helping a fellow human being in need.”

  “You’re hiding the truth, maybe even from yourself. I think you think he’s hot.”

  “I’m concerned about a new father taking care of a child when he’s had no preparation or experience. My thoughts are for the baby, not Tanner.”

  Patricia sighed. “All right. Have it your way, but you’re missing out. I have to tell you—there’s something pretty wonderful about those Malone brothers.”

  Kelly smiled. Patricia and Ryan would be celebrating their tenth anniversary next month. “I think you’ve been influenced by your relationship with Ryan.”

  “Maybe, but only in the best way possible. Besides, would it kill you to be interested in a man? You’ve been living like a nun for the past three years.”

  “Say goodbye, Patricia.”

  Patricia laughed. “Bye.”

  Kelly was still smiling when she hung up the phone. She collected her charts and made her way out of her office, all the while ignoring the little voice that whispered Patricia might be onto something after all.

  Chapter 3

  Kelly glanced at her watch. Four minutes after six. Not bad, considering she’d stopped at a local bookstore to pick up something for Tanner. She pushed through the swinging doors that separated the hospital from the new wing still under construction. From there, she passed through an alcove and hanging sheets of plastic, then found herself in the middle of a beehive.

  Despite the fact that for much of the city the workday had ended, dozens of construction personnel labored on. The unpainted walls were up in what in time would be the new pediatric floor. To her right was the lab setup, nearly complete but devoid of equipment. The only remotely finished section of the first floor was the new day care center, probably because it would be opening first.

  She turned right. Tanner had left her a voice mail that afternoon telling her that she could find him in his office, which was in what would eventually be the new lab. As she crossed the floor, she saw a big sign warning that this was a hard hat area, then saw a stack of the yellow construction headgear on a table below the banner.

  Kelly picked one up and plopped it on her head, all the while trying not to think about the last dozen or so people who had done the same. Then she made her way in the general direction of Tanner’s office.

  It wasn’t hard to find. Signs spray-painted directly onto the unfinished walls pointed the way to various locations on the construction site. “Boss Man’s Office” was marked in red with a ten-foot-long arrow. She followed it to the end and found herself entering a medium-size room with a desk, several chairs and building plans covering most of the walls.

  Tanner sat behind the desk, staring at lists and making notes. The overhead lighting was harsh, but he still looked as handsome as she remembered. His brother, Ryan, was also a good-looking guy. Talk about a great gene pool. Between her father’s roguish appeal and her mother’s model-perfect beauty, Baby Ames—make that Baby Malone—was going to be a looker herself.

  Kelly leaned against the door frame and studied Tanner. He was lost in his work and hadn’t noticed her presence. She thought about all he was going to have to deal with over the next few weeks as he adjusted to life with a newborn. If nothing else, it would be a great test of his character. She just hoped he was up to
it.

  “Ready to go shopping?” she asked.

  He raised his head, then smiled when he saw her. That same smile that made her feel sixteen and awkward. It also did funny things to her stomach and her knees, something she didn’t remember from high school. Oh, Tanner Malone was a deadly combination of male beauty and charm, but she was fairly immune. At thirty-two, no man had really captured her attention, and there was no reason to think anyone was going to do that now.

  “Kelly,” he said, his voice pleased. “Thanks for meeting me here. I had some paperwork to finish up.”

  “It wasn’t a problem. I had something I wanted to get before we went shopping anyway.”

  His gaze dropped to the bag she carried. “Generally I like unexpected presents, but this time I’m not so sure.”

  “Don’t be scared. It’s not going to bite you.” She set the package on his desk, then waited while he pulled out the book.

  “What to Expect the First Year,” he read. “It’s really thick.”

  “Yes, but there are a lot of pictures and a ton of valuable information. Everything you’ll need to know to survive those first twelve months.” She pointed to a slip of paper sticking out the top of the book. “I’ve marked the pages that talk about buying for a baby.”

  Tanner opened the book. His expression shifted quickly from stunned surprise to amazement to shock. “This list is longer than all the material requisitions for the entire hospital wing.”

  She grinned. “Not quite. But babies need a lot of stuff. How’s the balance on your credit card?”

  He flipped the pages, shaking his head slowly. “They’re all fine. I pay them off each month, and they have big limits.”

  “Oh, good. You’re going to be needing that.”

  “I can tell.”

  He rose to his feet and grabbed his jacket and a hard hat, then took the book. “I guess we’d better get started.” He looked shell-shocked.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah. I’m just trying not to think about it too much. If I let myself dwell on the fact that this time tomorrow I’m going to have a baby in my house, I might be tempted to head for the hills.”