Baby, It's Christmas & Hold Me, Cowboy Read online

  She pressed her lips together. Tanner Malone had to be playing some kind of game. A man in his position would never consent to raise a child alone. He was the head of a busy commercial construction team, and he had something of a playboy reputation. Still, he’d captured her attention, so she decided to hear him out.

  “There are a couple of consultation rooms just down here,” she said, leading the way.

  They turned left at the nurses’ station and paused as Kelly checked the first room. It was unoccupied. She entered, then waited for Tanner to follow her before closing the door.

  The room was small, maybe eight by eight, with a desk and three chairs. She moved around Tanner and settled into the single chair behind the desk, then motioned for him to take one of the remaining seats. He glanced at it, then shook his head and paced from the door to the wall. It took him all of three steps.

  “The thing is, I know it’s crazy,” he began, not looking at her and instead staring at the floor. “The hospital is adding a new wing.”

  The comment seemed irrelevant until Kelly remembered that Tanner Malone owned the company building the wing. Construction had been going on for months. “Actually, I’ve noticed that.”

  “Really?”

  He glanced at her, and she was again caught up in the realization that his eyes were really a very deep blue. Forget it, she told herself firmly. Ignore the man—listen to the words.

  “Then you probably know that my company is in charge of the construction. It’s a huge project, involving thousands of man-hours, not to mention dozens of subcontractors. I’ve been working twelve-, fourteen-hour days.”

  Kelly nodded.

  “We had a couple of delays, and now we’re playing catch-up,” Tanner continued. “I rarely see my house. We’re going to make the March deadline for the dedication, but it’s going to be tight. So I don’t have time for a child in my life. Certainly not a baby.”

  Kelly leaned back against the chair and worked hard to keep her face impassive. So he hadn’t been asking about the child at all, she thought grimly. He only wanted to talk to her so that he could explain his case to someone—anyone. He wanted to make excuses. She waited for the anger to return, but it was gone—transformed into a sadness she wasn’t sure she could explain.

  There were so many hopeful couples wanting to adopt infants. Baby Ames would be placed with a loving family. She might grow up with every advantage. It was probably best for everyone. Kelly drew in a breath. If only she could let this go. Why was this one child getting to her?

  “I can’t do it,” Tanner said.

  “Mr. Malone, you don’t have to explain this to me, and frankly I’m not interested in your reasons for giving up your child for adoption.”

  “But that’s my point,” he said. “I can’t do it. I can’t give him up.” He pulled a thick sheath of papers from his back pocket and dropped them on the desk. “Lucy and I talked about this, and we both agreed it was the best thing. She’s got a job waiting for her in LA, and I’ve got a busy life here. Adoption made sense.”

  Kelly picked up the sheets and flipped through them. Lucy had carefully signed away all her rights to the child, but the space for Tanner’s signature was blank.

  “What do you think?” he asked.

  She glanced up and saw that Tanner had braced his hands on the back of one of the chairs and leaned toward her. His thick, dark hair fell over his forehead. He wasn’t the kind of man who usually populated her day. Most of them were other doctors or husbands of patients. She saw more suits than jeans and work shirts. Tanner might own Malone Construction, but he obviously didn’t mind getting his hands dirty. She could see scars on his fingers, and there were thick muscles bulging in his upper arms and chest. She nearly matched him in height, but he had to outweigh her by forty pounds, all of them muscle.

  “What do I think about what?” she asked.

  “What should I do? Should I sign the papers?”

  “I can’t answer that for you. We’re talking about a child, Mr. Malone. This isn’t a decision to be made lightly. Your daughter’s future is at stake.”

  His eyes widened, and a grin split his face. If she’d thought he was good-looking before, he was amazingly handsome now. That smile could cause a woman to stumble at fifty paces, she thought, refusing to soften toward him.

  “A girl!” He sank into the chair, then rubbed his eyes. “Damn. Like I know anything about women.”

  “You know enough to get one of them pregnant.” Kelly regretted the words as soon as they passed her lips. She sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

  “Don’t apologize. You’ve got a point.” He leaned forward. “Is she okay? Ten fingers and toes?”

  Kelly smiled. “She’s perfect. A real beauty. Her Apgar score was a nine at one minute and a ten at five minutes.” When Tanner looked blank, Kelly explained. “We check newborns for several characteristics right after birth. Their heart rate, whether they are crying, moving around, that sort of thing. Your daughter scored very high. There’s every indication that she’s healthy and normal.”

  “A girl,” he said, his voice filled with awe. “Jeez. I feel like that changes everything, but I’m not sure it does.” He looked at her. “Tell me that the adoption is the best thing. Tell me that I have no business trying to raise a kid on my own. When would I find the time? Tell me I don’t know the first thing about babies or children.”

  “No one can make that decision but you, Mr. Malone.”

  * * *

  Tanner had been hoping for a little guidance from Lucy’s doctor, but Kelly Hall wasn’t going to be much help there. Based on the look she’d given him when he’d first approached her, she wasn’t very pleased with him at all. He wondered if her anger was at him specifically or men in general. Or maybe she didn’t like men who avoided their commitments and responsibilities. Could he blame her for that?

  “I want to see her,” he said. “My daughter, I mean, not Lucy. If I haven’t signed the papers, can I do that?”

  Some of the tension left Kelly’s face. Her full lips curved up in a sweet smile. “I can do better than that, Mr. Malone. I can let you hold her.”

  “This isn’t a good idea,” Tanner said ten minutes later as Kelly started to put a tiny wrapped bundle into his arms. “I don’t do the baby thing. I sort of ignored my nieces and nephew until they got past the breakable stage.”

  “She’s tougher than she looks,” Kelly promised, even though he knew she was lying. “Just relax. Bend your arm so she’s completely supported and her head can rest in the crook of your elbow.”

  The baby was red and kind of squished-looking. He couldn’t see any part of her except for her face. Even her head was covered with a little pink cap. She was too tiny not to scare the pants off him. And when Kelly placed her in his arms, she seemed to weigh nothing at all.

  “Oh, God.” He placed his free hand against her side to keep her from slipping and stayed completely still. “She’s about the size of a football.”

  “I’ll have to take your word on that.”

  He glanced up and saw that Kelly was still smiling at him. No doubt she was amused by his stiffness, but he’d never held a newborn before.

  “Now what?” he asked.

  “Say hello or anything else that comes to mind. She’s your child, Mr. Malone. What would you like to do?”

  Give her back, he thought, but he didn’t say that. “Call me Tanner.”

  Kelly chuckled. “Most fathers prefer Daddy.”

  He glanced at her. “I was talking to you. You keep saying Mr. Malone. I’m Tanner. I’d shake hands, but they’re tied up at the moment.”

  “I understand.” She pointed to the baby. “It’s okay to move around if you’d like.”

  He shook his head, too scared to do anything but stand there holding his
daughter. Feelings swelled up inside of him, emotions that he could barely identify. There was pride and fear but so much more. A sense of having been part of a miracle. Was this creature really flesh of his flesh? Had he had some small part in creating her?

  Kelly seemed to understand his confusion. She patted his arm, then stepped back to give him time alone.

  Tanner took a tentative step, then another. His daughter didn’t wake up. He risked a tiny rocking motion. When she stirred, he froze.

  Against his arm he felt small movements. His daughter puckered her mouth, then opened her eyes and stared up at him.

  She had blue eyes... Malone blue. He remembered reading somewhere that newborns couldn’t see all that well, but at that moment it seemed to him that his baby could see into his soul.

  Tanner Malone had never been a believer in love at first sight, nor had he ever experienced anything even remotely close to it. But as he stared down at the infant who was his child, he felt himself falling faster and harder than he ever had before in his life.

  Chapter 2

  Kelly watched the play of emotions across Tanner’s face and knew he was a goner. Deep inside, she felt the first flicker of guilt. Maybe it had been wrong to let him hold his daughter. There was something special about holding a newborn. A friend of hers had once described it as one of life’s few perfect moments. She’d allowed Tanner to experience the magic, but what about the reality?

  Kelly told herself that if he hadn’t been open to wanting his child, he wouldn’t have felt anything while the baby was in his arms, but she wasn’t sure she believed that. Was she doing the right thing? Could Tanner Malone handle having a baby in his life? Unfortunately, based on his stunned expression, he no longer had a choice in the matter.

  He looked at Kelly, his eyes dark with panic. “I want to keep her. Is that wrong?”

  “She’s your daughter, Tanner. How can wanting to raise her be wrong?”

  “I can give you about three dozen reasons, starting with the fact that I know less than zero about babies. Then there’s the issue of my twenty-hour days.”

  “You’ll make it work. Millions of single parents do every day.”

  He didn’t look convinced. “Maybe. So what happens now?”

  “Now I notify the hospital that Baby Ames won’t be given up for adoption and that her name should be changed to Baby Malone.”

  Tanner smiled that devastating smile again. Fortunately for Kelly’s equilibrium, it was focused on his daughter, not at her. “Did you hear that? You’re my little girl, and everyone is going to know it. You’re Baby Malone.”

  “You might want to think about getting her a first name,” Kelly said drily. “She’s going to find Baby Malone a little difficult when she gets to school.”

  He nodded. “You’re right. So what happens after you tell the hospital?”

  “You’re going to have to talk to the adoption agency and tell them you’ve changed your mind. Legally it’s not a problem. If you haven’t signed the papers, they can’t make you give up your daughter. However, you’re still going to need a good lawyer. You’ll have to make custody arrangements with Lucy. I’m guessing that if she was willing to give the baby up for adoption, she won’t want visitation rights, but you’ll have to check. There’s also the issue of support.” She frowned. “There might be more, but a good family lawyer can answer those questions better than I can.”

  “Too much to think about,” he said quietly, still looking at his daughter. “I don’t want anything from Lucy. If she wants to walk away from her daughter, then that’s fine with me. I don’t need her money.”

  “You’ll have to work that out with her. She’s still in the hospital if you want to talk with her.”

  He glanced up. “She can have visitors?”

  “Of course. It was giving birth, not brain surgery. She probably feels like she was run over by a truck, but she’s healthy and in great shape. She’ll recover quickly. Both she and the baby will be released tomorrow.” She hesitated and wondered if Tanner had any clue what he was getting into. “I can ask that your daughter be kept here until the afternoon. That should give you time to arrange things.”

  “What kind of things?”

  Kelly drew in a deep breath. It was worse than she thought. “Tanner, have you ever been around a newborn before?”

  “No. Like I said, I avoided my brother’s kids until they were past the fragile stage.”

  “I see.” She wasn’t sure how to break the news to him. “Your life is about to change in a big way. You’ll need baby furniture, clothes, formula, diapers, not to mention a couple of good books on dealing with an infant. You’re going to have to arrange for child care at home for at least the first couple of weeks. While most day care places will take a newborn at six weeks, you don’t want her exposed to a lot of children right now. Young kids have frequent colds, and that’s not good news for an infant.”

  He took a step back, then another. She saw his muscles tighten, although his hold on the baby stayed relaxed and supportive. “You’re saying I don’t have a prayer of making this work.”

  She stared at him, at the too-handsome face and the worry in his eyes. She could practically hear the thoughts racing through his mind at light speed.

  “Not at all. I’m not trying to scare you, but I do want to point out that this is a little more complicated than making a home for a puppy.”

  He swore under his breath, then paced to the glass wall in the alcove of the nursery. Kelly ached for his pain and confusion. He had to be scared to death, but she sensed he wasn’t going to change his mind about his daughter. Despite her initial dislike of him, she had to respect that. Fifteen years ago, she’d had to make the same choice. In the end, she’d given her daughter away. It had been the hardest thing she’d ever done.

  She respected Tanner for wanting to try. Unfortunately, he had several strikes against him. The most significant were a complete lack of knowledge and preparation and his impossible work schedule. If he had an office job, it might not be too hard to schedule at least a couple of weeks off. But Tanner was the general contractor for the hospital’s hundred-million-dollar renovation. For reasons that had nothing to do with him, the project was behind schedule. When was he supposed to find the time to take care of his daughter?

  “I can help,” she blurted out impulsively, then wondered where on earth that thought had come from.

  He turned and looked at her. “What do you mean?”

  “Just what I said.” She glanced at her watch. “Meet me back here at six tonight. I’ll take you to a baby store, then help you set everything up for her. I’m on call this weekend, but assuming no one gives birth, I can even be around to give you pointers those first few terrifying hours when you bring her home.”

  His thick black hair fell across his forehead in a way designed to make women desperate to push the lock back in place. Kelly was no exception. She found she had to clutch her hands together to keep from doing just that.

  “Why are you doing this?” he asked.

  She understood the real question. Why was she going out of her way to help a stranger—someone of whom she didn’t much approve? Except by being willing to take his daughter, Tanner had forced her to look at him in a new way.

  “Because I think you’ll be a great dad, and I want her to have that.”

  Relief settled over him, easing away his tension. “Thanks, Doc. I really appreciate it. I know that she’s going to need a ton of stuff, but I don’t have a clue where to start.”

  “Please, call me Kelly. And as for the baby—figuring out what to do with her can’t be harder than building a hospital wing.”

  He grinned. “Want to bet?”

  “Why don’t we just wait three weeks, and you can tell me yourself.”

  * * *

  Tanner pa
used outside the hospital room and thought about what he wanted to say. He knew that Lucy wasn’t going to be happy with his change of heart, but there was nothing he could do about that. He had as much right to their baby as she did. A quick call to the family lawyer his business lawyer had recommended had confirmed that.

  He squared his shoulders and stepped into the room. “Hi,” he said when he saw Lucy sitting up in bed.

  She glanced at him for a second, gave a quick, insincere smile, then pushed the mute button on the remote and silenced the television she’d been watching.

  “Tanner. I didn’t expect to see you,” she said, her voice flat. “If you’re here to check up on me, I promise I’m fine. The delivery wasn’t much fun, but my doctor is great. She said everything went as expected. I’ll be leaving first thing in the morning. In a few weeks, I’ll be good as new.”

  “I’m glad you’re all right.”

  He shifted uneasily and pushed his hands into his jeans pockets. He stood about five feet from the bed. The blinds were open, allowing afternoon light to spill into the room, and he could see her clearly. The ordeal of giving birth had left her pale but still beautiful. Her long, silky platinum-blond hair had been pulled back into a simple braid. The high cheekbones, perfect mouth and wide green eyes were as lovely as when he’d first met her. But during their brief time together, he’d learned that she had no heart.

  He couldn’t help wondering what he’d seen in her all those months ago. They’d met at a cocktail party, and too many drinks had caused them to end up in bed together. He’d thought he was old enough to ignore the appeal of a pretty face, but he’d been wrong. Or maybe he’d just been lonely. None of that mattered now. Whatever had first drawn them together had faded, and by the end of that weekend they were both content to part company. Until Lucy had called a couple of months later to say she was pregnant.

  She pursed her lips. “Tanner, you’re just staring at me. You’re not going to get all weird because of the baby—are you?”

  “Yes, but not in the way you mean.”