Full-Time Father Read online

  He crossed the hall and knocked on the open door. This room was larger and faced the ocean. Christie’s only view of the sea was from the play area. A large four-poster bed stood in the center of the room. The mattress was new, but everything else was original furniture. The sensual lines and rounded corners were in keeping with the time period.

  A large vanity stood against the far wall. The fabric of the rich burgundy brocade-covered stool matched the bedspread and curtains. The walls were white, the starkness broken by small cameo portraits hanging from ribbons, and a window seat under a picture window.

  Erin came in from the bathroom and saw him. “It’s lovely,” she said. “I adore the view.”

  “If you’re lucky, we’ll have a storm while you’re here. They can be pretty impressive this close to the ocean.”

  She glanced out the window. “I would like to see that.”

  “Do you have all that you need?” he asked.

  “Yes. You and Kiki have thought of everything.”

  He leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms over his chest. “I had nothing to do with it. I think Kiki was a general in her previous life. She’s always prepared and always has a plan. Sometimes it makes me nervous.”

  She smiled at him. Sunlight poured through the windows illuminating her. The rays turned her hair to the color of flame and outlined her feminine shape. She wore a hip-length red sweater over stone-washed jeans. He caught a hint of curves at her hips and her breasts. A flicker of awareness sparked to life inside of him. By force of habit, he quickly snuffed it out. He hadn’t allowed himself to be interested in a woman since Robin had died.

  “Is Christie unpacked?” she asked.

  “Everything is out of her suitcase, which isn’t exactly the same thing.”

  “I can imagine. She is only four, so she doesn’t have too much of an attention span. I’ll go over in a minute and put the rest of her clothes away.”

  Erin moved to the bed and picked up a couple of books. She set them on the nightstand.

  “Christie showed me all her toys,” he said. “Did you bring anything interesting?”

  He’d meant the remark to be teasing, something to ease the tension he felt between them. But instead of laughing, she flushed. The awareness he’d squashed just a minute before returned, this time hotter and brighter.

  “I don’t have much time to play,” she said.

  “Maybe you should change that. You’re on vacation for the next couple of weeks. There’s plenty to do around here. Hiking, bike riding. There’s even a movie theater in town. I’d be happy to watch Christie if you want to go sometime.”

  She looked at him oddly. “Please don’t think you have to entertain me. I know I’m here because of Christie and not because you want the pleasure of my company.”

  He winced. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “But it is the truth.”

  Sometimes the truth wasn’t pleasant. He watched her graceful movements as she took out a couple of sweaters and carried them to the dresser. He found himself concentrating on the sway of her hips as she walked.

  What the hell was wrong with him? He’d never had a problem resisting a woman before. Of course he worked at home and didn’t come into contact with many. Was it because he had been alone five years and Erin was simply here? Or was it something else? Was it about Stacey and the fact that Erin was her twin? Had he secretly been attracted to Stacey that summer, yet had tried to hide the truth from himself?

  It didn’t matter, he reminded himself. He’d learned his lesson and he wasn’t going to ever forget it. Getting close to someone was too risky. He destroyed those who got close to him, so for the safety of others, he’d learned to keep his distance.

  He pushed off the door frame. “Please ask Kiki or me for anything you need,” he said.

  “Thanks.” She opened a small black case and pulled out an expensive looking camera. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

  “I didn’t know you were a photographer,” he said.

  “Oh, I’m not. I just take snapshots of Christie. If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a few of the house.”

  “Feel free.” His gaze settled on the camera. “That’s fancy equipment for snapshots.”

  “I suppose it is.”

  He lingered for a moment but when it became obvious that she wasn’t going to say anything else, he left and started down the hallway. The camera was just a symbol of their problem, he thought. There was so much he didn’t know about Erin Ridgeway. Who was this woman who had given up her life to raise someone else’s child?

  Parker nervously followed Erin down the hall. The sun hadn’t quite set yet, so it was still light. In Christie’s room, someone had drawn the drapes, giving the illusion of darkness. A small night-light glowed by the open door as he stepped inside.

  Christie was on her side in bed and she smiled when she saw him. “I’m not very tired,” she said.

  Erin had already warned him that Christie would try to get out of going to bed at her regular time. He sat on the edge of the mattress and stared at the girl.

  “I’m tired,” he said. “This was an exciting day. You moved here and unpacked your things. We played on the beach.” Her hair was loose. He’d never seen it out of pigtails. He touched the silky strands marveling at the perfection that was his child. “Millie is already asleep.” He motioned to the doll nestled in her arms.

  “Dolls don’t sleep,” she said with the authority of an expert.

  “Of course they do. Everything sleeps, even flowers.”

  “Flowers?” She rolled on her back and looked up at him. “When do they sleep?”

  “In the winter.”

  Her gaze was trusting, as if she knew he would never hurt her or lie to her. He vowed he would rather die than let her down.

  “Now go to sleep,” he said. “The quicker you do, the quicker tomorrow will get here. We’ll do something fun together.”

  “Okay.” The word was punctuated by a yawn. “’Night, Daddy,” she murmured, her eyelids drifting closed.

  “Good night.” He sat there for a moment, then bent over and kissed her cheek. His heart thudded painfully as the band across his chest tightened.

  He wanted to sit here and watch her sleep, but he knew Erin was waiting for him in the hall. He rose to his feet and silently crossed the room.

  “She’s already out,” he said.

  “I knew she would be. She protests going to bed then falls asleep in about a minute. Sometimes I’m surprised it takes that long. She uses so much energy in her day.”

  They walked to the end of the hall and started down the stairs. “She looks so small in bed,” he said.

  Erin chuckled. “I think you’re right. While she’s running and doing, she’s seems almost grown-up. But at night, sometimes I think she shrinks.”

  They were still laughing when they reached the bottom of the stairs. Kiki came out of the dining room and walked toward him. Parker noticed she’d changed out of her jogging suit and was wearing a frilly cotton dress. Her tanned legs were bare, and instead of athletic shoes, she had on high-heel sandals.

  “Another big night?” he asked.

  Kiki ignored him. “Erin, I’ll be back later. Let Parker know if you need anything. What time do you usually have breakfast?”

  “You don’t need to cook for us.”

  “Honey, that’s my job. I would guess Christie probably wakes up around seven?”

  “Usually.”

  “Then I’ll have something ready for seven-thirty. Bye.” She wiggled her fingers at them, then walked to the front door. A few minutes later a car drove off.

  “Kiki often goes out at night,” Parker said, then motioned to the terrace. “You want to sit outside and watch the sunset?”

  “Ah, sure.”

  She sounded a little nervous. Parker wondered if it was because they were alone together, or if she was waiting for him to stick his foot in his mouth again.

  He led her to
one of the chaise lounges pushed off to the side.

  “How about some wine?” he said. “There’s some white already chilled.”

  “Okay.” Her hazel eyes were dark with confusion.

  He went into the kitchen and got a bottle out of the refrigerator. After pulling out the cork, he grabbed two glasses and returned to the terrace. Erin had perched uneasily on the edge of the lounge.

  She’d changed for dinner. If he’d known she was going to he would have told her not to bother. Neither he nor Kiki was interested in being formal. Erin wore a soft silky white shirt tucked into beige tailored trousers. A thin belt emphasized her narrow waist.

  He poured the wine and handed her a glass, then sat in the chaise lounge across from hers. After setting the wine bottle between them, he leaned over and touched the rim of his glass to hers.

  “To Christie,” he said.

  “Christie,” she repeated softly, but did not drink.

  He leaned back in his chair. “Are you settled in your room?”

  “Yes.”

  He studied the horizon, the last sliver of sun still visible and the golden glow on the restless ocean. “Why are you nervous?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “I don’t consider myself very observant, so if I noticed, it must be.”

  She laughed. “Oh, that made me feel better. Thanks.”

  He looked at her. “At least you don’t look so scared anymore.”

  The humor faded from her face. She stared at the glass of wine. “The situation is a little awkward. I thought I’d planned everything when I decided to bring Christie to meet you. I was wrong. I didn’t realize all the details to be worked out, or the logistics of two strangers dealing with a child.”

  “I’d like you to be comfortable here, Erin. Tell me anything you want, even if you just want to be left alone. I’d like us to be friends.”

  She raised her gaze to his. Emotions flickered through her hazel irises. Was she remembering what he’d done to her sister? Did those actions five years ago mean that she would never trust him?

  “I’d like that, too,” she said softly.

  A last glimmer of sunlight touched her face and highlighted the curve of her cheek. For that moment, her skin was iridescent and she looked like a beautiful creature from another world.

  She set her glass on the stone terrace and folded her hands in her lap. “Maybe we should talk and get to know each other. You must have some questions about Christie.”

  What he wanted to ask was if there was a man in Erin’s life. He swore silently. No, he didn’t want to know that, because it wasn’t important. Concentrate on the child. She was all that mattered.

  “Who named her?” he asked instead.

  “Stacey.”

  “She had-” He hesitated. “She had time to do that?”

  Erin nodded. “Those couple of days are a blur. I remember getting a call from the hospital. I’d just finished my last final exam and was starting to pack to come home. The nurse told me that the baby was doing fine, but Stacey wasn’t. Could I come right away? I was stunned. I didn’t even know Stacey was pregnant.”

  “You don’t have to tell me this,” he said.

  “Don’t you want to know what happened?”

  He didn’t. Hearing the words made the images clear. For now he would just listen, but later he would feel the guilt. Still, there was no way to stop her.

  “Tell me everything,” he said, knowing he would pay for that.

  Erin drew in a deep breath. She laced her fingers together and stared at him intently. “When I got to the hospital, she was dying. Thank goodness she came home to have the baby, or I would never have arrived in time. I remember how pale she was and all the tubes they had hooked up to her. There had been some problems. They tried to save her, of course, but…”

  Her gaze never left his. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He wondered what she read on his face. Did she know how he blamed himself? Did she know he wasn’t surprised about any of this?

  “Stacey whispered that she’d seen the baby for a minute and named her Christie. She-” Erin swallowed hard and looked away. “She said she was sorry for doing this to me, but there was no one else. I asked her to tell me about the father. She wouldn’t say anything except it would be wrong to bother him. You, I mean. Then she died.”

  Parker’s gut clenched as the guilt washed over him like an acid bath. It burned him clear down to his soul. He’d known he was responsible for Robin’s death and now he’d killed Stacey, too. How much longer would this go on? Who else would he inadvertently destroy?

  “It’s not your fault,” Erin said.

  He stared at her.

  “It’s not,” she repeated. “Stacey didn’t blame you, and you mustn’t blame yourself. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it just happened.”

  “How can you be so sure?” he asked, standing up and walking to the edge of the terrace. “You weren’t here that summer. You don’t know what happened between us.”

  “I know it wasn’t your fault,” she said a third time.

  “Yeah, right.” If only that were true. If only the ghosts of the dead would leave him be. He clutched the edge of the balcony.

  She followed him, then reached into her trouser pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. “Stacey wrote this to you, but she never got a chance to mail it. I think she’d want you to have it now.”

  He stared at the paper a long time before he finally took it and turned it over in his hands. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she’d written, but he didn’t think he had a choice in the matter.

  When he’d unfolded the note, he quickly scanned the contents. In his mind he heard her voice speaking the words and realized she sounded different than Erin. Stacey’s voice was higher and faster. More intense, like the woman herself.

  She wrote that she was sorry for what she did to him. He wished he could tell her he was sorry, too. For the harsh words he’d hurled at her that morning. If he could he would tell her that he’d been angry with himself, not with her. But it had been easier to direct his rage at someone else.

  I regret to tell you that I’m pregnant. He swore silently. That was his fault, too. Not just the baby, but the regret.

  He started to hand the letter back to Erin, but she shook her head. “You keep it.”

  “For what it’s worth,” he said. “I didn’t mean to be such a bastard.”

  “Don’t blame yourself, Parker. We used to laugh together at the odd personality quirk that made her gifted with computers and so completely illogical in her personal life. We lost our parents when we were young and we were shuttled between different relatives. We never had a real home, but we used to dream about one. Oddly enough, your house is pretty close to what we’d imagined. Stacey was intrigued from the moment she arrived.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Her diary. After she died, I was so busy with Christie I asked one of our friends to pack up Stacey’s things. It wasn’t until a few months ago when I was packing to move that I finally went through the boxes. I found her diary and your name.”

  What else had she said aside from his name? He wanted to know but didn’t think he had the right to ask.

  The sun had finally set and the sky was that murky color of twilight blue. The first stars glinted in the heavens. Surf pounded against the shore in an age-old rhythm.

  “She saw you as the dark prince of her fantasies,” Erin said. “Please don’t be angry with her.”

  “Stacey was the innocent in all this, Erin. The only person I’m angry with is myself.” Dark prince. Hell, he didn’t belong in anyone’s fantasy.

  “Stop blaming yourself.”

  “There’s no one else. Did Stacey ever stop to consider how dangerous a dark prince could be? After all he’s first cousin to the devil.”

  “Stacey would have liked that.”

  Then Stacey was a fool. But he didn’t say that aloud. Stacey had been foolish and young and inexperien
ced. He’d been in too much pain to notice. Surviving had taken everything he’d had. Otherwise he could have taken care of the situation before it became a problem.

  Erin touched his arm. “Don’t you see? This isn’t about you, it’s about her. She expected something very specific from you. She would have taken your words and twisted them around until they had the meaning she wanted.”

  He looked at her. The few lights from the house didn’t reach this far on the terrace and they were both in shadow. He couldn’t see her clearly, but he could feel her heat and inhale the floral scent of her perfume. Her hand was warm and sure on his forearm.

  “Why are you defending me?” he asked. “You don’t even know me. You weren’t here. You don’t know what happened.”

  “I’ve read her diary. I know what she wanted, and I know my sister. I’m not absolving you of blame. Of course some of this is your fault. It takes two to-” She paused and her hand fell to her side. “I think it’s time to put the past behind you. You feel badly for what you did, but Stacey wanted a relationship with you and she wasn’t going to let anything stand in the way. Not even reality.”

  He wanted to believe her. Maybe one day he would. Just not tonight.

  “If you don’t mind, I’m going to go up to my office. Help yourself to the television in the study or the books,” he said.

  “I’ll be fine.” He heard the smile in her voice.

  “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  He took a single step away, then turned back to her. “I know you didn’t have to bring Christie here. I’m glad you did.”

  Without stopping to consider it wasn’t a smart idea, he bent forward to kiss her cheek. At the last second, he tilted his head and brushed his mouth against hers.

  She jumped, obviously startled, but didn’t pull away. Neither did he. He couldn’t. The fire that leapt between them consumed his will and his ability to think. He could only feel. Passion swept through him. Passion and desire and need. The parts of him he’d thought long dead boiled painfully to life.

  Finally he raised his head and stared at her. In the darkness he could see little more than the shape of her head. He didn’t know what she was thinking. Dammit, he didn’t want to know. He only wanted to erase what he’d just done.