Mother by Design Read online

  “So call.”

  “I want to, it’s just…” she shrugged “…complicated.”

  “You miss them. You care about them. Call.”

  “Stop making it sound so easy.”

  “It is,” he said. “With push-button phones you don’t even have the trouble of dialing anymore.”

  “Oh, sure. But you’re assuming I’m ready to act maturely.”

  “You are.”

  She reached across the bench seat and grabbed his hand. “Thanks, Jake. You’re the best. You know that, right?”

  “Of course.”

  He laced his fingers with hers and knew he couldn’t read anything into the act. To Lily, they were best friends. He’d been the one to change the rules without telling her. He’d been the one to wake up one morning and realize he’d loved her for years. Unfortunately, the revelation had come about six months too late. She’d already been in love with Michael Carson. When the guy had proposed and Lily had accepted, Jake had vowed to keep his feelings to himself forever.

  Then Michael hadn’t bothered showing up at the church. He’d sent a note telling Lily that he’d never intended for things to get this far. Worse, he’d lied about getting a divorce and was still married. Lily had been heartbroken, and Jake had been there to lend a shoulder to cry on.

  He’d known there was no point in telling her about his feelings. Not until she’d gotten over Michael. Talk about timing. He’d planned a casual dinner at his house, complete with wine, candlelight and a confession of love on his part. Two days before their scheduled rendezvous, Lily had called to tell him she was pregnant.

  The good news had been there wasn’t a guy involved. Lily had used artificial insemination and a sperm donor. But her announcement had put a crimp in his confession plans. If he told her he loved her after she had told him she was pregnant, would she think he was simply reacting to the baby? Would she assume that his feelings were merely concern?

  He didn’t have a good answer to any of his questions and until he did, he kept his emotions to himself. It made life hell, but he’d learned to endure that a lot in the past few months. Besides, there was no guarantee Lily wanted to change things between them. As far as he could tell, she was happy just being friends.

  “Are you all packed for the move?” he asked.

  “Pretty much. I left the books like you made me promise.”

  “Good. I’ll be by in a couple of days to finish things up.”

  She glanced at him. “I could box up my books just fine, you know. I can move a few at a time. All the extra walking back and forth would be good exercise for me.”

  “No way. I know you, Lil. You’ll get a box all loaded then decide you don’t like where it is. The next thing you know you’ll be moving it by yourself and straining something. Leave the books for me.”

  “Okay, but I have to tell you, you’re getting kind of bossy.”

  “You like being told what to do.”

  “Actually I don’t.” She smiled. “But I like letting you think you’re in charge.”

  “I am in charge.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Sure you are, big guy.”

  “Am I really doing this?” Lily asked as the burly men continued to load her belongings into the truck. “Is it too late to change my mind?”

  Jake set down the box he’d been carrying and looked at her. “Do you really want an answer?”

  “I’m serious.” Panic overwhelmed her. “What was I thinking? This was a huge mistake.” She covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe I bought a house.”

  “Hell of a time to be having buyer’s remorse,” Jake told her, then put his arm around her and gave her a hug. He was warm and strong and big and she decided to lean on him for the next sixty seconds or until her breathing returned to normal. Whichever came first.

  “You’re not making a mistake.”

  She dropped her hands to her side and sighed. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want me to burst into tears.”

  “That’s part of it, but I’m telling the truth, too.”

  “How do you figure?”

  He wrapped his other arm around her and stared into her eyes. They weren’t exactly body-to-body, not with her belly jutting out between them, but the almost-contact still felt nice and safe. Plus he was really easy to look at.

  “You have a job,” he said.

  “That’s true. I’m employed and I have benefits. I even have a paid maternity leave from the hospital.” She drew in a breath. “Nursing is the kind of career that’s here to stay. I don’t need to worry about being downsized or replaced by a computer.”

  “Exactly. You put a large down payment on the house, right?”

  “Uh-huh.” Despite the knot in her stomach she grinned. “With my lottery winnings.”

  “You have money budgeted for the remodeling you want to do?”

  She nodded. “And savings and a small emergency fund.”

  He released her. “See? You have nothing to worry about.”

  She wasn’t ready to be let go and grabbed his shirt front. “Wait a minute. This isn’t just about money. What about me being a single parent? Can I do that? I don’t know how to work a lawn mower. I grew up in apartments.”

  Jake stared at her. “I’m not getting the lawn mower–single parent linkage.”

  “They’re not related. I went back to house worry.”

  “Could we pick a topic and stay on it for a while?”

  “I don’t think so.” She clutched the front of her stomach as her insides rolled around. “I’m going to be sick.”

  He frowned. “I thought you were long done with morning sickness.”

  “This has nothing to do with the baby. I’m ruining my life and I paid to do it.”

  Still holding onto her belly, she sank onto the grass in front of her apartment building.

  “I used to be sensible,” she murmured. “I used to have plans and be organized. Lately I’m impulsive and look at what it’s gotten me. My life is a disaster.”

  Jake crouched in front of her. “Lily, snap out of it. Your life is great. You’re healthy, pregnant and you just bought a terrific house. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

  She desperately wanted to believe him. “Promise?”

  “Yeah, and if I’m wrong, I’ll be right here to pick up the pieces.”

  The way he had after Michael had dumped her, she thought, and sniffed. And when he’d found out about the baby. Most people would have run screaming in the other direction but Jake had taken her announcement in stride.

  “I don’t deserve you,” she whispered.

  “You got that right. Now quit faking it and start helping. You’re still buying the pizza for dinner, and don’t you forget it.”

  The thought of food had her scrambling to her feet. “You think there are any doughnuts left from breakfast?”

  “What about staying healthy for the baby?” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be eating bran muffins instead?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “I do great most of the time. I’ll get a veggie pizza tonight, so get off me.”

  Jake stood and stared at her. “It’s the hormones, right? That’s why you can go from bone-crushing sadness to hungry in eight seconds?”

  “Probably. You want another doughnut?”

  “Only if it’s a maple bar.”

  She headed for the apartment building. “Let me go check.”

  “No way. You’ll eat them all yourself then tell me there weren’t any left.”

  She tried not to smile as he caught up with her. “Would I really do that?” she asked innocently.

  “In a heartbeat.”

  Chapter 2

  Jake stretched out on the sofa. He was tired from his day spent moving, but not inspired to go to bed. Not yet and sure as hell not alone.

  There had been too many solo nights in the past eight or nine months. He’d tried dating, but no woman he’d asked out was Lily, and he couldn’t seem to get intereste
d in anyone else. Knowing he’d set up both himself and the woman in question for failure, he’d stopped asking and expecting the impossible.

  Which left him alone, edgy and irritable.

  There was a Mariner game on TV. He reached for the remote, but before he could grab it, the phone rang.

  “It’s me,” Lily said when he’d picked up the receiver. “Am I interrupting?”

  “Sure. I have two coeds doing the dance of the seven veils right here in my living room.”

  He heard the smile in her voice as she spoke. “Yeah, I’m flaked out, too. Moving is a lot more work than I remembered. Of course, after college, everything I owned could fit in the back of a pickup truck. When did I get all this stuff? And why?”

  “It seemed important at the time. Remember that oak bookcase you had to have? And the dining-room table? I nearly threw out my back with that one.”

  She sighed. “But it’s beautiful and it looks great in my dining room. So when are you going to sell me that gorgeous hutch of yours? The one your grandmother left you? You know you don’t appreciate it, and if she’d known how much I wanted it, she would have left it to me.”

  He grinned at the familiar argument. “But she didn’t. Maybe one day, if you’re really good, I’ll let you make me an offer.”

  “Huh. Like I believe that. You just like having something to hold over me.”

  “That’s true. So what’s up? Is the house getting to you?”

  Lily hesitated long enough for him to realize that he’d spoken the truth. One part concerned, two parts amused, he sat up.

  “Let me guess,” he said. “You’re scared.”

  “I’m not scared. It’s just the house is, you know. Big.”

  “I thought you liked that about it.”

  “I do. It’s just there are weird noises. House noises. I’m not familiar with them yet.”

  He chuckled. “Are you going to make it through the night?”

  “Of course.” She sounded insulted. “I’m perfectly capable of surviving here by myself. In fact I like living alone. It’s just so empty and some of the floors creak.”

  “By themselves or when you’re walking?”

  “When I’m walking. I’m not saying the place is haunted.” Lily’s breath caught. “You don’t think it could be, do you? It’s an old house. Who knows what happened here?”

  He shifted so he could put his feet on the coffee table. “You’re not seriously worried about ghosts are you?”

  “No. Just first-night creeps. I’ll be okay. Maybe I should get a dog. A really big one.”

  “Only if you want to be cleaning up after it.”

  “Oh. Good point. Maybe a cat, although I don’t think a cat would be much protection. Is it cold there? It’s cold here.”

  Jake figured the outside temperature was all of fifty-five. “Turn on the heat.”

  “I guess. Or I could just get another blanket.”

  “You’re in bed?”

  “Uh-huh.” Humor returned to her voice. “Want to know what I’m wearing? It’s the cutting edge of maternity chic. There are barnyard animals dancing across my belly. Pretty sexy, huh?”

  He knew she was joking and expected him to join in, but all he could think about was Lily curled up in a big bed and him sliding in beside her. He imagined himself spooning with her, his front against her back, his hand sliding around to cup her breasts while her tight, round fanny nestled against him. He could smell her soft skin and hear her breathing.

  He closed his eyes and fought back a groan. For one thing, lusting after a pregnant woman was probably illegal. For another, if Lily knew he was having sexual fantasies about her she would cuff him, then call him a pervert. And the most pressing reason to knock it off was the sudden lack of blood in his brain and the hardness in his groin. Being tired and sore from moving wasn’t enough. Now he had to deal with the physical manifestation of unfulfilled desire. Could the day get any worse?

  “I grossed you out, huh?” she said, sounding resigned. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. I’m sure you look great in barnyard animal PJs.”

  “You don’t believe that for a second. The truth is I’m a cow myself. Huge and bovine-like. But I used to be sexy, right? I mean before the baby? And attractive. Although not attractive enough to keep Michael from standing me up at the altar.”

  “Don’t go there, Lil,” he told her. “Michael was an idiot and you’re lucky to have him out of your life.”

  “I know and I’m really glad, it’s just sometimes…” She sighed again. “I don’t know. I wonder where it all went wrong. Why did I fall for him in the first place? Shouldn’t I have seen the truth?”

  “Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us.”

  He hadn’t figured out his feelings for Lily until it was too late, Jake thought grimly. A few months earlier and he could have told her before she’d met Michael. Maybe she wouldn’t have been interested, but at least the information would have been out there and he wouldn’t have spent the past nine months wondering.

  “You’re getting philosophical on me and that always makes me nervous,” Lily said. “I think you need to watch some sports or something because—”

  A strange sound came through the phone line—a metallic ripping, then a huge crash. Jake sat up straight and clutched the receiver.

  “Lily? Are you okay? What just happened?”

  “I—I don’t know. Something bad though. That was not a good sound. And I can hear a rushing noise. Like water. You don’t suppose the Willamette River just flooded into my dining room, do you?”

  “No, but be careful anyway.” He stood, torn between staying on the phone with her and heading for her place. “I’m going to call you right back from my cell.”

  “Okay.”

  He ran to the front of his house, grabbed his jacket and his keys, then raced toward his truck. As he started the engine, he hit the auto dial for her home number. She picked up instantly.

  “There’s water everywhere,” she said, sounding more stunned than frantic. “Like a real river through my dining room. I’m on the stairs and I’m kind of afraid to step into it. Where do you think it’s coming from?”

  “Broken pipe. Maybe the water heater.”

  “This isn’t good. I have to say, so far the homeowner experience isn’t what I expected.”

  Despite his concern, he smiled. “Just your luck, Lil. I’ll be there in less than five minutes. Don’t move off the stairs and if the water starts rising, head up to the second floor.”

  “Okay. You sound so confident and sure of yourself. It’s the rescue thing, isn’t it? You’re comfortable in that role.”

  “Yeah, sure. I’m a hero to my bones. Hold on and I’ll be there to get you.”

  “Thanks, Jake. You’re the best.”

  He hung up. The best, huh? Best what? Friend? He wasn’t interested in that. He wanted Lily to see him as the man of her dreams. What were the odds of that ever happening?

  Lily stood watching two or three inches of water pouring through her downstairs. Whatever the cause, it couldn’t be a good thing. Not when ancient carpeting and hardwood floors were getting soaked.

  “My insurance agent is going to hate getting this call,” she murmured, knowing there was no point in getting upset. Panicking wouldn’t help either her or the baby and with Jake on the way, what was there to worry about? Still she couldn’t help feeling that getting the house back to rights wasn’t going to be easy.

  The rush seemed to have slowed some. At least the water wasn’t rising. She took a step toward the main floor, then stopped. If the water heater had exploded or something, the water could be really hot. She was barefoot. And wearing really ugly pajamas.

  “Oh, great,” she muttered, knowing Jake had seen her at her worst, although not by much. She’d washed off her makeup and pulled her hair up on top of her head. To make matters more embarrassing, she had cows and pigs frolicking across her midsection.

  She h
eard a key in the front door. Thank goodness she’d given Jake a spare before he’d left.

  “Lily?” he called as he opened the front door.

  “Up here.”

  She took another step down as he walked into the foyer.

  The entrance area was raised up, giving him a dry place to crouch and stare at the water. When he raised his gaze to hers, she wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Then the corners of his mouth turned up.

  “This would only happen to you,” he said.

  “Tell me about it. Any guesses?”

  He tested the water with his fingers. “It’s warm but not hot. I’m going to go with the water heater causing this. So where’s the main shut-off?”

  She folded her arms under her breasts and sniffed. “You probably think I don’t know, but I do. It’s in the mudroom behind the kitchen. Your key will open the back door if you don’t want to wade through.”

  “I’ve walked through worse,” he told her as he crossed through to the kitchen. Before he disappeared, he turned back to her. “Stay there on the stairs until I see what’s going on.”

  “Promise.”

  In less than five minutes he’d turned off the water and checked out the water heater, which was ripped open and on its side.

  “Was it bolting for freedom?” Lily asked as she stared at the twisted hunk of metal. “Should I take the defection personally?”

  “It was older than both of us. I think it simply fell apart from age.”

  “Something we can all look forward to,” she murmured feeling more numb than upset. “What will the insurance cover?”

  “Most of the damage. You’ll need to call them first thing in the morning. We can get a crew out to dry the place. I’m guessing the hardwood floors will have to be refinished. The carpet’s a goner.”

  “I’m glad I didn’t like it.”

  He put an arm around her. “The good news is the water went through fast and didn’t have a whole lot of time to soak in. I doubt the drywall will have to be replaced. You’ll get a new water heater out of it.”

  She tried to get excited about that, but all she could think was that she’d owned the house for less than twenty-four hours and she’d already had a really big thing go wrong.