The Secret Wife Read online

  Emotions shifted inside him, anger taking dominance over curiosity. She talked of recent changes in her life. He knew what that meant. A man.

  The fact that neither of them had contacted the other in over four years didn’t matter. The fact that he’d considered dating, had even thought about a divorce, was unimportant. Assumed betrayal fed rage.

  “You played at your supposed acting career while you were growing up,” he growled. “You played at being a wife, now you want to play at Lady Bountiful. We don’t need you here. Get out!”

  “No.” Her low, calm voice was a contrast to his heated tones. She relaxed in her chair as if his outburst had eased her nervousness. “You agreed to let me work here for three months. You’re many things, Cole Stephenson, but you’re not a man who goes back on his word.”

  “If you’re looking for a reconciliation—”

  “I don’t know what I’m looking for,” she interrupted. “If you’re so angry, why didn’t you divorce me? You don’t have an answer, do you? We were both young and we made a lot of mistakes.”

  “You walked out on me.”

  “You left first.”

  The unfair accusation drove him to his feet. “What the hell are you talking about? I never left you.”

  She leaned toward him. “You left me every day when you ate, slept and breathed work. I didn’t exist for you except as a hostess and maid.”

  He noticed she didn’t say bed partner. Just as well. In the end— He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about any of it.

  “Justify your actions any way you like,” he said. “The bottom line is, I came home from work one day and you were gone.”

  He still remembered the shock of the quiet, the few words on the note, the stark emptiness of her half of the closet. She’d disappeared so completely, it was as if she’d never been there at all.

  Elissa stood and looked at him. Late-afternoon light illuminated her pale skin. The last vestiges of childhood were gone, leaving her face hauntingly beautiful. He’d dreamed of her every night for a year, waking up aroused and alone. Then he’d forced himself to forget her. He’d nearly succeeded, too. He’d learned to live with the perpetual emptiness.

  And now she was back.

  “I’ll accept half the blame,” she said. “Maybe a little more. But not all of it.”

  “I’m not interested in reliving the past.”

  “Me, either.” She gave him a faint smile. “Don’t you want a chance to put it all behind you? We used to be friends. Maybe we could be again.”

  Yesterday if anyone had asked, he would have sworn his brief marriage was in the past. That he’d forgotten all about her. Now he wasn’t so sure.

  “We can’t have changed that much,” she said. “Look where we ended up. Right back where we started. At the orphanage.”

  She had changed. She’d learned to stand up for herself. Five years ago his anger would have sent her sobbing to the bedroom. Afterward, she wouldn’t have been able to look him in the eye for a week.

  But despite the changes, he couldn’t do what she wanted. He couldn’t be friends. He’d never been her friend. He’d despised her until he’d known her, and then he’d loved her. In the past few years he’d grown to hate her. There was no middle ground.

  “Three months,” he said at last. “That’s what I agreed to. Millie will explain your responsibilities. She’s your boss, not me. Our first priority is the children. I don’t want them confused or hurt. Therefore, as far as they’re concerned, you’re just Elissa Bedford. They don’t have to know we’re married.”

  She squared her shoulders. “If that’s how you want it. I meant what I said, Cole. I want answers, but I’m not here to make trouble.”

  “Too late. You already have. And while we’re reaffirming ourselves, let me remind you you’re here on probation. One screwup, one false move and you’re out. I wouldn’t want to have to make this place work without Millie, but if that’s my only option, I’m willing to risk it.”

  “Fine.”

  He forced himself to walk toward the door. “Your quarters are downstairs in the main building. Third door on the right. I’m sure you can find it yourself. Do you need help with your luggage?”

  “I can manage.”

  “Good. Dinner is at five-thirty. Don’t be late.”

  He made it into the hallway before she called him back. “Cole?”

  He paused, but didn’t turn toward her. “What?”

  “Can’t we try to be friends?”

  He heard the plea in her voice, the tone that told him she didn’t think her request was so awful. He thought about the weeks he’d tried to drink himself into forgetfulness, the endless nights he’d spent staring at the few pictures he had of her, tracing the flat, cold paper, wondering what he’d done that had made her leave. He recalled the gaping hole in his chest, the one left after she’d ripped out his heart.

  He who had sworn never to love, never to trust, had loved and trusted only one. Elissa. And she had left him.

  “No,” he said quietly. “We can’t be friends.”

  Chapter Two

  Elissa placed her suitcase on the bed and glanced around the room. Even though she’d visited the orphanage several times in the past and knew better, she’d assumed her living quarters would consist of a narrow bed covered by a clean but worn bedspread, a single nightstand and maybe a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. Obviously she’d been watching too many productions on Masterpiece Theatre. She might be the most recent resident at the Grace Orphanage, but this was the 1990s, not the 1890s, and she was a new employee, not a newly orphaned Sara Crewe.

  She actually had two rooms, including a small but pleasant living area complete with a sofa, wing-back chair and a window that overlooked the rosé garden. Her bedroom was spacious and airy, with light walls and drapes. A pale blue comforter covered the double bed. There was an oak dresser, two nightstands and a reading lamp. One door led to a good-sized closet, the other to a small private bath.

  “I like it,” she said aloud, then glanced at her suitcase. She’d left most of her belongings back in her apartment in Los Angeles. The odds of Cole actually letting her stay had been so remote, she hadn’t bothered to pack much. “Rather bring too little than cart it all back.”

  The homey wisdom made her feel better. Although right now, it wouldn’t take much. She opened the suitcase and pulled out the three dresses folded on top. After shaking them out, she walked over to the closet and hung them up.

  As she smoothed the soft cotton fabric, she tried to tell herself it hadn’t been so bad after all. At least he hadn’t thrown her out.

  But he hadn’t wanted her here, either.

  Elissa sighed and closed her eyes. Why was she surprised? In all the time they’d been apart, he’d never once tried to contact her, had never once tried to reconcile. The fact that he also hadn’t bothered to ask for a divorce was a small comfort.

  Maybe he’d forgotten all about her. Maybe coming back would remind him and he would want to end the marriage as quickly as possible.

  That thought sent a flash of pain through her. Her breath lodged in her throat and she had to force herself to inhale slowly until the discomfort eased. She opened her eyes and squared her shoulders. For now, she was here. Unless something horrible happened, she had three months to figure out what she wanted from her life and from her husband. They’d kept things on hold for too long. One way or the other, by the time she left, she was going to have made a decision.

  “You are,” she told herself as she continued unpacking, “quite insane. Fallon and Kayla would be happy to tell you so.”

  She smiled at the thought of her sisters. Both women had tried to talk her out of her plan to show up unannounced at the orphanage. They’d felt Cole would react better if he’d had some time to get used to the idea of seeing her again. What she hadn’t explained—mostly because it was just too humiliating to admit—was the fact that if he was give
n notice, he might refuse to see her altogether. At least by arriving without warning, she had surprise on her side.

  “You look nice. Millie must have hired you. Cole usually hires people who don’t smile much.”

  Elissa turned toward the sound of the voice. A tall, slender girl stood in the doorway to her bedroom.

  “I’m Tiffany,” the girl said, and grinned. “I knocked but you didn’t hear me.” The grin faded. “Do you want me to go away?”

  “Of course not.” Elissa walked toward her. “I’m Elissa Bedford, and you’re right. Millie did hire me.”

  “We can always tell.” Tiffany was nearly as tall as Elissa’s five feet five inches, with long, curly dark hair and almond-shaped brown eyes. Cafe-au-lait skin emphasized high cheekbones. A wide, mobile mouth curved up.

  “I’m twelve,” the preteen announced. “I’ll be thirteen in less than four months. I’m a Christmas baby.” Tiffany leaned against the door frame. She wore white shorts and a peach T-shirt. She had long arms and legs, smooth with a hint of muscle moving under perfect skin. She was already beautiful. In a couple of years Tiffany was going to cause traffic accidents just by walking down the street.

  “Gee, my birthday’s about as far from Christmas as you can get,” Elissa said. “It’s July first.”

  “Being a Christmas baby is special, of course, but I’d rather be born in the summer. At least then you get presents twice a year.” The girl walked to the bed and sat down. Brown eyes fixed on Elissa’s face. “I’m not really an orphan. My mother’s a junkie. She’s tried to kick it, but she can’t. This is a more healthy environment for me. While I’d like her to straighten out, it’s not likely. I’m dealing with that. Everyone thinks because I’m really smart and mature enough to understand I’m going to be a psychologist.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think so. I’d prefer one of the hard sciences. Where things are concrete. You know, like quantum physics.”

  “Sounds great,” Elissa said, realizing she didn’t know enough about the difference between “hard” and “soft” sciences, let alone quantum physics, to have a comment on Tiffany’s choice. And she wasn’t sure she completely bought into Tiffany’s claim of being so well-adjusted about being in an orphanage while her mother wrestled with a drug problem. “How long have you been here?”

  “A couple of years. I was in a foster home for a while, but that didn’t work out. They thought my mother was dead, so I came here, but she wasn’t. Cole said I could stay. So did the judge.”

  Elissa returned to her open suitcase and pulled out several more dresses. Tiffany studied the floral prints. “You have pretty stuff. But I don’t see any jeans.”

  “I don’t wear jeans very much.”

  “Shorts?”

  “Sorry, no. I prefer skirts and dresses.”

  “That’s kinda weird.”

  Elissa chuckled. “Good weird or bad weird?”

  The preteen grinned. “Good weird. How’d you get your hair like that?”

  Elissa touched the top of her head. “I pulled it all up in a ponytail, then pinned it in place.” She leaned forward and fingered Tiffany’s curls. “I could show you how to do it. You’d look great. Have you tried a French braid?”

  Tiffany shook her head. “I can’t ever get it right.”

  “It’s not so hard. I’ll show you. You can even learn to do it on yourself, although it takes a little patience.”

  Light filled dark eyes. “Really? That would be way cool.”

  “Way cool is my life,” Elissa said solemnly.

  Tiffany flopped back on the bed. “Did you meet Cole?”

  “Sure.”

  “What’d you think of him?”

  “He’s changed,” she said without thinking, then silently groaned.

  Tiffany bounced to her feet. “How long have you known him?”

  “Since I was your age. But we haven’t seen each other in a long time.”

  “Wow. He’s so old. So you’ve known him like forever.”

  “Sometimes it feels that way.”

  “What was he like?”

  Elissa picked up a pair of loafers and placed them on the floor of the closet. “Pretty much a younger version of the way he is now. Very together, very determined.”

  Intense, she thought, remembering the way he’d stared at her when they’d first met. She’d had the distinct impression he’d disliked her for no reason other than what he thought her to be.

  “Was he like other kids? Did he, you know, play games and stuff?”

  “Sure.”

  Elissa realized five minutes too late that she was probably going to get in trouble for this conversation. Cole had warned her not to tell the children they were married. While he hadn’t said anything about them admitting to a previous acquaintance, she had a feeling he assumed she would figure that one out on her own.

  Excuse me for not getting it right, she thought to herself. Frankly, some innocent chit-chat about their mutual past was nothing when compared with the deceptions she had planned for later. But if she didn’t want to get fired on her first day, she was going to have to find a way to distract Tiffany.

  She glanced at the clock and realized it was nearly 5:30. “What time is dinner?” she asked.

  The girl followed her gaze. “Yikes. In a couple of minutes. We’d better get going.” She grimaced. “If we get there too late, we have to sit with the little kids. They’re okay and all, but sheesh, they really make a mess when they eat.”

  She grabbed Elissa’s hand and tugged her into the hallway. “Come on. You can finish unpacking later.” She barely paused long enough to let Elissa pull her suite door shut.

  “I’m coming,” Elissa said, laughing as she was dragged along. They stepped out of the building and into the early-evening breeze.

  The Ojai valley was about two hours north and west of Los Angeles. In the summer the temperatures climbed well into the hundreds during the day. September might mean fall in other parts of the country, but here it was just another month of warm days with perfect blue skies and cool, star-filled nights.

  Despite Tiffany’s determined pace toward the dining hall, Elissa looked around at the grounds. It was much as she remembered, with lush lawns and tall, full trees. Bikes and basketballs sat in patches of shade. A couple of dozen children of various ages were all headed for the same low, one-story building at the end of the driveway.

  She tried to superimpose the reality of what she was seeing onto the memories in her head. The trees were taller, the bushes thicker. Of course, the children’s faces were different. But the orphanage itself seemed much the same. There was an air of quiet contentment around the place. Children might prefer a “normal” upbringing with natural parents, but if they had to survive on their own, the Grace Orphanage provided an admirable alternative.

  “Oh, look!” Tiffany said, then waved her free hand. “Cole, Cole, over here. Look. I’m bringing Elissa to the dining room.”

  Cole spotted them. For a moment their eyes met. Elissa knew if they had been alone, he would have turned away and not acknowledged her presence. But with Tiffany and the other children around, he didn’t have a choice. He gave her a tight smile that didn’t come close to warming the chill in his dark eyes, then turned his attention to the preteen.

  Instantly the cold heated to a welcoming warmth. “Are you acting as the official greeter?” he asked as he approached.

  Tiffany nodded. “I like Elissa. Millie hired her, right?”

  Cole touched a hand to his chest. “I made one mistake and you’re never going to let me forget it. I fired the guy, didn’t I?”

  “Mr. Benjamin was mean and he had bad breath,” Tiffany said, and shuddered. “None of the kids liked him. But Elissa’s nice, so I forgive you.” She looked around. “There’s not gonna be any good seats left. I’ll run ahead and save places, okay?”

  She took off before either of them could respond. Elissa found herself watching the girl’s long-legged stride, staring after her, knowi
ng the only alternative was to look at Cole. And that would never do. Expecting him to be unfriendly was very different from actually experiencing the distance firsthand.

  However, once Tiffany disappeared into the building, Elissa had to focus on her companion. She risked glancing at him, only to find him staring at her.

  She could get lost in his gaze. He’d always been intense, and that’s what inevitably drew her in. Even as a child, she’d been curious about his soul-stirring thoughts. She’d wanted to understand the complex workings of his mind.

  What was he thinking now? Did he wonder why she was there? Had he thought about her while they’d been apart? Did he remember, as she did, the good times they’d shared? Had he missed her even a little?

  She wanted to know that he still cared, that some part of him had longed for her. But if that were true he would have come after her, or at least tried to get in touch with her. And he hadn’t. Not even once.

  “Tiffany is very interesting,” she said when it became apparent he wasn’t going to be the one to speak first.

  “In what way?”

  Elissa shrugged and turned toward the dining hall. Cole fell into step beside her. All the children had disappeared inside and they were the only ones left on the path. Sunlight shone through leafy branches, creating patches of light and dark. The moment had a surreal quality, as if she were living a dream.

  “She told me about her mother,” Elissa said. “That the woman is alive, but unable to take care of her.”

  “In polite circles we say that Tiffany’s mom has a drug problem. For a while she was missing and presumed dead. That’s how Tiffany ended up here. Her mother showed up in a hospital emergency room, half-dead from an overdose. Rehab hasn’t helped in the past, so the judge said Tiffany could stay here.”

  “That’s sad,” Elissa said, thinking that she and her sisters might complain about their childhood, but at least they’d had parents and a home.