Baby, It's Christmas & Hold Me, Cowboy Read online

  Kelly shifted Lia and crossed her legs. “Speaking of buying things for your daughter, I’ve been thinking about throwing you a baby shower.”

  “Why?”

  She grinned. “Don’t look so panicked. It won’t hurt...much. Actually the shower isn’t for you—it’s for Lia. So many people want to see her, and probably see her with you. It would be a lot of fun. We can make it a combination Christmas party/baby shower. We could register you at the baby store and at a toy store. What do you think?”

  “Why?”

  “You keep asking that. It’s a girl thing. Trust me. I’ll take care of everything. Just say yes.”

  He had a bad feeling he was going to regret it, but he muttered, “Yes,” then asked if anything strange happened at baby showers.

  “Define strange,” she told him.

  “Never mind.”

  “We’ll need to pick a date so that I can mail out invitations. We can’t do it this coming weekend because I can’t plan that fast. Next weekend is booked. I’ll have Ryan’s kids until Sunday evening. What about three weeks from today, on the Friday evening before Christmas?”

  “Whatever.” He began measuring out a length of the border print. At least he’d remembered to buy double the amount so that he would have enough, despite the occasional mishap. “I can’t believe you’re taking Ryan and Patricia’s three kids for the weekend.”

  “I tried to take just a couple of them, but they got pretty insistent that I take all or none. What perfectionists.”

  He glanced at her. Laughter glittered in her eyes. “You’re nothing like I thought you’d be,” he told her.

  “Meaning?”

  “You have a sense of humor. You’re human. I thought doctors were stuffy by nature.”

  “They try to teach us that, but I never had time to fit that particular class into my schedule.”

  “It’s not just that,” he said. “You don’t act like you’re God. You treat people with respect. I thought you’d disapprove of what I do for a living.”

  She straightened in the rocking chair and stared at him. “How could you think that? Tanner, you’re brilliant at what you do. How many people do you know who could coordinate a project of this magnitude? We’re not talking about recarpeting a living room. This is a one-hundred-million-dollar project.”

  “It’s just a building. You save lives.”

  “And without buildings, people would die from exposure. Everyone contributes in a different way. I would never judge someone based on their work.”

  “Like I said, you’re not how I imagined.”

  “Doctors are real people, too,” she said. “If we seem a little crabby at times, it’s just because we had to spend so much time in school.”

  He looked around the room; then his gaze settled on his daughter, now dozing in Kelly’s arms. “I never thought I would see anything like this. You sitting there, holding my daughter. Of course, I never thought I’d have a child.”

  “How do you like it?”

  “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  Kelly’s smile turned tender. “I’m glad. I’m glad you kept her, and I’m glad you two are so happy together.”

  “Me, too.”

  He was also glad that Kelly was in his life, but he didn’t tell her that. This wasn’t the time. Then he wondered if that would ever change. Kelly wasn’t for him—even if he was the kind of man who did long-term commitments. Which he didn’t. So they would just stay friends, and he would make sure that was enough.

  * * *

  Tanner clutched the handle of the baby carrier so hard, he was afraid he might crack the plastic. This was fine, he told himself. There was nothing to worry about. Except he was worried.

  He stared around the brightly colored waiting area of the medical office. A parade of animals danced across the walls. There were child-size chairs, as well as those designed for adults, and a collection of toys in the corner. Nothing to fear. So why was there a knot the size of a basketball sitting in the bottom of his stomach?

  The office door opened, and Kelly walked in. She wore tailored dark slacks and a red, soft-looking sweater that hugged her curves. The swell of her breasts was nearly enough to take his mind off his panic. Nearly...but not completely.

  “Sorry I’m late,” she said. “I was running behind with my patients and...” She took one look at him and laughed. “Relax, Tanner. Lia’s the one getting the examination, not you.”

  “I wish it was me,” he said glumly. “What if there’s something wrong? What if she’s sick? What if—”

  “Stop!” Kelly said. She took the baby carrier from him and glanced down. As usual, Lia was sound asleep, apparently unaware of her father’s concern. Kelly took a seat and patted the cushion next to her.

  “You could take a lesson from your daughter,” she said. “Now sit down and take a deep breath.”

  He glared at her, then perched on the edge of the sofa. “You’re not taking this seriously.”

  “Of course I am. Lia is here to see her doctor. She’s three weeks old, and Patricia is going out of town tomorrow, so she just wanted to check Lia over. There is every indication that she’s a normal, healthy, thriving infant. If there is a problem, better to catch it early. Patricia’s a great doctor. You know that.”

  “I know.” He shifted on the sofa. “Sorry. I know I’m acting crazy.”

  “You’re acting like a worried parent, but in this case, there’s no reason to be.”

  “You’re right.” He studied her. “Thanks for being here with me. I hadn’t really intended for you to take time off work to hold my hand.”

  She smiled. “Oh, please. That was exactly your intention. No way you would have survived this on your own.”

  The office door opened again, and a mother with a young boy walked in. While the woman went to the glass partition at the reception desk to sign them in, the boy walked over and stared at Lia.

  “What’s her name?” he asked.

  “Lia,” Tanner told him.

  “I’m John.” He held out his hand. There were several tiny stitches along the side of his index finger and across his palm. “Billy and me were playing with a broken bottle and we got cut. I’m better now, but playing with a broken bottle is bad. But Mommy said Santa Claus will forgive me if I clean my room and promise never to do it again.”

  Kelly smiled at the boy. He couldn’t be more than five or six. She scooted forward and stared at the stitches, then pointed to a thin, pale line on her own hand.

  “That exact thing happened to me,” she said. “I was about your age.”

  John’s brown eyes widened. “Did you have to get stitches, too?”

  “I sure did. I cried and cried. I was very sorry I’d ever picked up that piece of glass and I never did it again.”

  “I didn’t cry,” John said. Then he glanced at his mom and shrugged. “Well, I did a little.”

  Tanner found himself caught up in the conversation. Kelly was so easy and natural with the little boy. It was as if she’d known him for years instead of just a few minutes. When John’s mother came over to collect him, she smiled an apology.

  “Sorry. He’s a talker.”

  “He’s very sweet,” Kelly told the woman.

  It made no sense, Tanner thought. Why on earth hadn’t some guy snatched Kelly up before now? She was a prize. Not only was she bright and successful but she had the most giving heart he’d ever seen.

  She was different from the kind of woman he usually found himself attracted to. He would bet a month’s paycheck that she didn’t go for trashy lingerie, nor did she wear much makeup. But he was starting to see the appeal of the natural look, not to mention the fact that thoughts of Kelly in plain cotton had kept him up more than one night.

  “What a
cutie,” Kelly said when John’s mother had led him to the other side of the waiting room, where they started on a puzzle.

  “You’re great with kids. Why didn’t you become a pediatrician?”

  She didn’t say anything, nor did her body language change, but Tanner could tell she’d shut him out as surely as if she’d started building a brick wall between them.

  “What?” he asked. “What’s wrong? What did I say?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Kelly, don’t. Why are you upset?”

  “I’m not.”

  But her gaze avoided his. Then, before he could pursue the matter, a nurse opened the door leading to the examining rooms. “Lia Malone?”

  “That’s us,” Tanner said. He took the carrier from Kelly and stood up.

  “It’s just through here,” the nurse said. She led them into another brightly colored room, this one with a small examining table and too much medical equipment for Tanner to ever be comfortable. The knot in his stomach doubled in size.

  “Hi,” Patricia said as she entered. She wore a white coat over scrubs. “Don’t say it. I’m a mess. My first appointment of the day threw up on me, and I haven’t had time to go home and get a change of clothes. I normally keep a spare set here, but they got thrown up on last week and I haven’t brought them back. How’s my little niece?”

  “Great,” Tanner said. “I’m sure there’s nothing wrong.”

  “I’m sure, too,” Patricia said, her voice reassuring. “I know the first couple of baby visits are nerve-racking on you new parents, but it will get better.”

  Kelly leaned against the closed door. “Speaking of nerves, how are you holding up?”

  Patricia wrinkled her nose. “You mean given the fact that Ryan and I are leaving tomorrow for our second honeymoon, and I still have a million things to do?” She held up her hand to show it was steady. “I’m nervous but only on the inside. I can’t believe we’re doing this. I’m incredibly happy and a little sad to be leaving the kids. But more happy than sad. I know kids are better off in the long run when their parents take time for themselves as a couple.”

  “That’s what you have to focus on,” Kelly said. “I’m going to keep the kids too busy to miss you.”

  “I, on the other hand, will miss them like crazy,” Patricia said. “But I’ll get over it.”

  The two women laughed, but Tanner didn’t join in. He was too busy thinking, once again, that his brother had gotten lucky with the woman he’d chosen. Patricia and Ryan had a great life together. They made it look so easy. How did Ryan do that? How had he known when it was right? How had he known that it was okay to commit himself to a particular woman?

  Not that it mattered, Tanner told himself. He wasn’t the marrying kind. And even if he was, there weren’t any likely candidates around.

  His gaze settled on Kelly. He already knew that she was a prize. He also knew that she was out of his league. So there was no point in wishing for what he couldn’t have.

  Words to live by, he told himself. Words he’d repeated more than once. Words that suddenly didn’t seem to ring so true.

  Chapter 10

  Patricia carefully placed the last of her clothes into her luggage. “I think that’s it.” She glanced around her and Ryan’s bedroom. Her husband was meeting her at the airport. “Okay, so all that’s left is the kids. Are you going to be all right with them, Kelly?”

  Kelly grinned. “I swear we’ll be fine.” She began ticking off points on her fingers. “Drew and Lisbeth are still in school. The babysitter will pick them up when they get out, then swing by and get Griffin from day care. She’ll stay with them until I get back here. My last appointment is at four.” Kelly paused to glance at her watch. It was about twelve thirty now. She had used her lunch break to stop by and wish Patricia bon voyage.

  “The sitter can stay late tonight if you get hung up with an emergency,” Patricia told her.

  “I don’t think that’s going to happen. This isn’t my weekend on call.” Kelly smiled. “One of the reasons I wanted to go into a larger practice was to have the occasional weekend off. So once I leave the office, I’ll be with the children until you and Ryan return, all blissful.”

  “I appreciate you helping out like this,” Patricia said. “I don’t know what Ryan and I would have done without you. Tanner thinks he could handle Lia and our three, but we all know that’s wishful thinking on his part.”

  Kelly waved aside her thanks. “I’m happy to do it.” If anything, the weekend was going to be a lot of fun. She enjoyed being around children, and Tanner had promised to stay at the house, as well. She didn’t want to admit to anyone, least of all herself, how her heart beat faster when he was around.

  She should have known she couldn’t hide the truth from her best friend.

  “Something’s different, Kelly, and I’m not sure what. Is it being around Tanner’s daughter? I know you’re spending a lot of time at his house. Are you having thoughts about children of your own?”

  Kelly drew in a deep breath. “My thoughts aren’t that organized. I’m just... I don’t know. Restless maybe.” She played with the strap of her purse, which was lying on the bed. “I’m just rambling. Am I keeping my life so full because then there isn’t room for a man?”

  “I’ve wondered the same thing about you,” Patricia admitted. “I think it’s a very good step that you’re asking yourself that question.”

  “Maybe,” Kelly said. She couldn’t help thinking that at times her life was a cold and empty place. Sometimes she wanted someone else to share things with. Someone she could depend on. Someone she could love who would love her back.

  A loud honk sounded from outside. Patricia froze. “Oh no. It’s the cab. I have to go. I’m not ready.”

  Kelly stood up and patted her shoulder. “Don’t panic. You’re completely prepared. You have your clothes, your shoes and your makeup. Oh, and this.” She fingered the lacy strap of Patricia’s nightgown. “Nothing else matters.”

  “I know, but I think I want to scream anyway.”

  Kelly picked up her purse and Patricia’s overnight bag while Patricia closed the larger suitcase. After a quick once-over of the room, they headed for the front door.

  On the small porch, they hugged. “Have a wonderful time,” Kelly said. “I have the phone numbers if anything happens, but remember that no news is good news. Just enjoy yourselves.”

  “We will.” Patricia waited while the cabdriver loaded her luggage into the trunk, then she slid into the backseat.

  Kelly stood watching her until the cab rounded a corner and Patricia was lost from sight, then got into her car. As she pulled out onto the street, she couldn’t help thinking about what she and Patricia had talked about. Since high school, she’d gone out of her way to shut men out of her life. During college and medical school, she’d had lots of male friends but no emotionally significant relationships. The question was why?

  No one had really hurt her, not unless she counted her father’s disappointment. Her high school boyfriend had dumped her when he’d found out she was pregnant, but while she’d been disappointed, she hadn’t been devastated. She liked men. She thought many were attractive. There were times when she thought about making love with a certain man, and she found herself feeling desire. So why turn her back on that part of her life?

  She didn’t have any answers, and then she found herself suddenly thinking about Tanner. She was attracted to the man—no question about that. She wanted to dismiss those feelings by saying he wasn’t her type, except she didn’t have a type. He was good-looking, and while that was a nice plus, it wasn’t the reason she found him appealing. Most of it was the man himself. How was she supposed to resist him when he was so devoted to his daughter? And easy to be with. And funny. And caring.

  She sighed. So if Tanner Malone w
as so all-fired perfect, why wasn’t he married? Or why wasn’t there a line of women camped outside his house? Was it them, or was it him? Or was it something in his past...something she didn’t know about?

  So many secrets, Kelly thought. Even though the past was long over, it had a way of hanging around and influencing the present. She knew she was dealing with some issues of her own. When she and Tanner had been in Patricia’s waiting room and he’d made a comment about her being so good with kids, she’d felt as if he’d ripped her heart out. It hadn’t been his fault, of course. He had no way of knowing how much she’d wanted to be a pediatrician. It had been all she’d wanted when she was a young girl. Except it hadn’t worked out that way.

  Kelly turned the corner and headed toward her office. As she drove, she tried to figure out what had gone wrong. From the first day she’d entered medical school, every time she’d stepped into a hospital and had seen a young girl, she’d thought about her daughter...the child she’d given up for adoption. She wondered about the girl, about her parents. Eventually the guilt and pain grew to be too much. She decided that she didn’t deserve to work with children, so she’d chosen something else. Something that allowed her to be around babies.

  “It’s not second best,” she murmured to herself as she pulled into her parking space. Except she wasn’t sure she believed the words. Not that it mattered. It was too late to change now. Sometimes it was important to stand by one’s choices, and she knew in her heart that this was one of those times.

  * * *

  “Can we make purple for some of the ornament-shaped cookies?” Tanner asked Saturday afternoon as he scanned the bowls of icing lined up on the kitchen table. “What is that, blue and red, right?” He looked to Kelly for confirmation.

  She set down the sheet of cookies she’d just pulled out of the oven and laughed. “Tanner, you already have just about every color that ever existed. Yes, purple is a combination of red and blue, but you don’t need to make it. Besides, I don’t think there are any more bowls.”

  “I know where they are,” six-year-old Lisbeth said helpfully. “Grandma keeps extra bowls in here.” She dragged her chair over to a cupboard and climbed up, then pointed to the top shelf. “Up there.”