Her Last First Date Read online

  “It’s Hope. She has asthma. She’s having a horrible attack. I’ve called nine-one-one and they’ll be here any second. I know they’re going to take her to the hospital and I have to go with her. Pete’s at the station, my neighbors are gone, I can’t find Josh. I can’t leave the other two kids alone.”

  “Give me your cell number,” Crissy said, then wrote it down. “Go now. Right now. Tell Brandon to lock the door behind you and that I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. He can be alone for that long, can’t he?”

  “What? Yes. Emma’s already in bed. I don’t know how to thank you.”

  “Don’t. Just go.”

  Crissy drove as carefully as she could. The last thing any of them needed was for her to get in an accident. She arrived at Abbey’s house seventeen minutes after hanging up and saw the paramedics had arrived before her.

  There was a fire truck parked in front of the house and a paramedic van in the driveway. Flashing red lights cut through the night.

  Crissy found a spot a couple of houses away, then hurried to the front door. It was open and she stepped inside.

  Hope lay on a gurney, with an oxygen mask on her face. Abbey bent over her, soothing her. Two paramedics prepared to transport her.

  Crissy glanced around and saw Brandon and Emma huddled together by the stairs. She hurried over and crouched in front of them.

  “Hey, guys. This is scary, huh?”

  They both nodded.

  She touched Emma’s arm. “Do you remember who I am, honey?”

  Emma stared at her. “Mommy’s friend. Crissy.”

  “That’s right. I’m going to stay with you tonight.” She had no idea how long she was going to be there, so didn’t bother trying to state a time. “Your mom will go the hospital with Hope.”

  Brandon put his arm around his sister. “She’s been sick before. It’s scary, but she gets better.”

  Emma’s eyes were huge. “Can I go with Mommy?”

  “I know you want to,” Crissy said. “But it’s late and she’ll be busy helping Hope. The three of us will spend the night together. Like a sleepover. How’s that?”

  Emma didn’t look convinced. Abbey hurried over.

  “I can’t thank you enough,” she said.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad I was around to help.”

  Abbey kissed her kids. “Be good for Crissy. I don’t know if we’ll be back tonight or in the morning. Daddy will come home when he can, but it shouldn’t be later than seven. Okay?”

  They nodded.

  Abbey smiled. “Good. We’re all going to be fine and that’s what matters. Now let me talk to Crissy for a minute, okay?” She pulled Crissy into the hallway.

  “Pete’s at a fire,” she said in a low voice. “He’ll leave the station as soon as he gets my message, but I don’t know how long he’ll be. He’ll come home and relieve you.”

  Crissy shook her head. “Let him go to the hospital to check on Hope first. The kids and I will be okay.”

  “Are you sure? That would be great if he could be with me. I could use the support.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Thank you. Josh will probably come by when he gets my message. If you could stand to let the kids hang out with you on the family room sofa, that would be best. Eventually they’ll fall asleep. But I don’t want to make them go back to their rooms. They get scared when stuff like this happens.”

  “Of course they do.” Crissy was terrified and she was a grown-up.

  “We’re ready,” one of the paramedics told Abbey.

  She nodded, kissed her kids and went out with Hope. In a matter of seconds, the sound of the siren filled the house and then that, too, was gone.

  Crissy turned back to Brandon and Emma. They both looked small and young, standing together, looking expectantly at her as if waiting for her to make things right.

  “I think a movie is in order,” she said. “Something funny.” And distracting, she thought. They all needed that. “Brandon, why don’t you go pick out three movies and we’ll choose between them. Oh, and maybe grab some blankets so we can cuddle up properly. Emma, let’s go in the kitchen. You can show me where everything is so we can have a snack. Does your mom ever make hot chocolate?”

  The girl looked at her with big, frightened eyes. For a second Crissy thought she might burst into tears. Then Emma sniffed, took her hand and led the way into the kitchen.

  “There’s chocolate and marshmallows,” she said, her voice a little thick. “The big ones. Can I have two?”

  “Sure. I think we’ll all have two marshmallows with our hot chocolate.”

  Thirty minutes later they were curled up together on the sofa watching a cartoon movie that had both kids laughing. The hot chocolate had been a big hit. Even Crissy had appreciated the familiar and comforting flavor.

  She sat in the middle of the large sectional sofa, with a child on each side of her. Emma kept nodding off. Finally she put her head down on the pillow that Brandon had brought from her room and went to sleep.

  Crissy glanced at Brandon, who seemed completely awake.

  “There’s a little left,” she said, motioning to his mug. “I could heat it up for you.”

  “Okay.”

  She stood then made sure Emma was tucked in and comfortable before heading to the kitchen. Both kids had been great, she thought, grateful no one had given in to hysterics.

  She wondered how long it would be before they heard anything from the hospital, then sent up a prayer that little Hope would be all right.

  As she picked up the small pot to put it back on the stove, she heard a noise and turned. Brandon stood just inside the kitchen. He looked troubled and scared and a lot of other emotions she couldn’t define.

  “Brandon? What’s wrong?” she asked as she put down the pot and crossed to him. She crouched in front of him and smiled. “Scared about Hope?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, but…” He cleared his throat and stared into her eyes. “Are you my mom?”

  Chapter Eight

  C rissy swallowed hard. She felt another wave of panic, but this one had nothing to do with Hope’s asthma.

  What was she supposed to say? How could she handle this? She wasn’t prepared. She didn’t have the answers to tell herself, let alone a twelve-year-old boy. It was crazy.

  She’d thought that eventually she’d want to have this conversation with Brandon, but not now. Not unexpectedly, when they were alone and there was no one to guide her through this.

  He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and looked away. “I heard my mom and dad talking about you. About how you were getting involved in my life, which is what they always wanted. How it was good for me to know you.” He shrugged.

  “Oh, Brandon,” she whispered, not sure if she should pull him close and hug him or let him stand alone.

  She didn’t know anything about him or how to make things better for him. Which was only her own fault. Why hadn’t she been willing to be a part of her son’s life? Why hadn’t she done this years ago?

  Her throat tightened and her eyes burned. She wasn’t sure if the tears she held back were for him or herself. Maybe both.

  “I didn’t want to say anything to them,” he mumbled. “But I wondered.”

  Not knowing what else to do, she put her arm around his shoulders. “How long have you known this?” she asked.

  “A couple of days.”

  “That’s a pretty big burden to carry. It must have been hard. Then with Hope getting sick…you’ve had a rough week.”

  “I can handle it.”

  He sounded tough, but he was only twelve.

  There was no one to help her with this situation. She would have to deal with it as best she could.

  “Come on,” she said as she stood and led the way to the kitchen table. “Let’s talk.”

  He followed her and took a seat. She went to the stove where she heated the last of the hot chocolate, poured it into a mug, added two marshmallows, then set it
in front of him. She took the seat across from his.

  “I don’t know where to start,” she admitted. “I guess the big announcement first makes the most sense. Yes, I’m your birth mother.”

  He’d been staring at his mug, but now he looked at her. “For sure?”

  She smiled. “Yes. For sure.” Her smile faded. “I didn’t plan this conversation. I don’t know what to tell you or what you want to know. Would it be easier for you to ask questions or do you want me to talk?”

  He swallowed, then looked at her. “You were young, right?”

  Oh God. The pain of being rejected by the woman who gave birth to you. It had to be what he was thinking.

  “I was seventeen,” she said, aching for him and not sure how to make it all better. “Five years older than you are now.”

  “Four and a half. I’ll be thirteen this summer.”

  “Right.” At his age, getting older was important, she reminded herself. “So I was four and a half years older than you are now. I was supposed to go to college and suddenly I was in high school and pregnant. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “Were your parents mad?”

  “Not mad so much as disappointed. But they wanted to be supportive, which was great. I didn’t think I was ready to be a mom, so we talked about adopting. But that was hard, too. I mean I wanted to find the right people. The perfect parents. I didn’t know if I could.” She smiled. “Then I met Pete and Abbey.”

  He seemed to relax a little. “You liked them?”

  “From the second I saw them. They were so in love. Kind of like they are now.”

  He wrinkled his nose. “They’re always kissing. It’s gross.”

  “You’ll like it more as you get older. I liked everything about them. They were so excited at the thought of you. They had plans for your room and adopting other brothers and sisters for you. They talked about family vacations and how they wanted you to grow up. I knew they were the ones from the moment we met.”

  He brightened a little. “That’s cool.”

  “It was. Abbey was there with me when you were born. She held you right away and I knew by the look on her face how much she loved you.”

  He grinned and looked uncomfortable at the same time.

  “One of things I really liked about them was how they were so open about the adoption,” she continued. “They wanted you to know from the beginning. Abbey sent pictures and letters, telling me how you were, so I could watch you grow up.”

  “But you didn’t come see me.”

  She knew she had to tread carefully here. She wasn’t interested in protecting herself as much as she wanted to make this as easy for Brandon as possible.

  “I didn’t know how to be involved without everything being confusing,” she admitted. “Abbey is one of those women who knows exactly how to be a mom. I’m not. One of the reasons I picked adoption was that I was terrified of doing everything wrong. It was part of being young. So I thought letting you grow up feeling safe and secure was the best thing.”

  She would tell him more later—when he was older and could understand about regrets and second-guessing.

  “But lately I’ve had this feeling that it was time,” she said. “I contacted your parents and they agreed that we should get to know each other. If everything went well, we would figure out a way to tell you who I was. I guess we don’t have to have that conversation now.”

  One corner of his mouth turned up. “I guess not.”

  “I’m sorry you overheard that conversation. It must have been really hard to learn that and not be able to talk about it.”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell my mom. I didn’t know what she was thinking or how mad she’d be. Not that she gets mad at stuff like that. I thought a lot about it. It’s weird, you know? The parent stuff. With my friends, I see how someone looks like his dad or turns his head like his brother. I never had that. But with you…”

  “Same eyes, same smile.”

  “I’m good at sports,” he said eagerly. “You’re good at sports, too.”

  “So’s your dad,” she said without thinking.

  Brandon’s expression changed to one of hopeful longing. “You mean my birth dad?”

  Crissy wasn’t sure if that was the term for it, but it worked. It was classier than “the guy who got her pregnant and didn’t want to marry her.” Not that she’d been interested in getting married, either, but still.

  “Yes, your birth dad. Marty. He played football in high school. You look a lot like him. He was funny and smart. He went to West Point. Do you know what that—”

  Brandon cut her off with an impatient eye roll. “Yes, I know. It’s the Army college for officers. One of my friend’s sisters goes there. They let girls in now.”

  Crissy couldn’t tell if he was impressed or revolted by the thought.

  “I’ve lost touch with him,” she said. “I could try to find him, if you’d like.”

  Brandon shrugged. “Maybe later.”

  Right. Because one new birth parent was probably enough.

  “You’re also a lot like my dad and my brother,” she said. “Your build.”

  His eyes widened. “You have a brother?”

  “And a sister. My parents are still alive, so I’m thinking you have a whole lot more family out there.”

  “Do they know about me?”

  “Absolutely. They know I’ve been meeting you and they’re hoping they can meet you, too.” Her entire family was threatening a visit in the not too distant future. “More grandparents is a pretty cool thing. Plus, I have nieces and nephews, which means you have cousins. You’re the oldest.”

  Crissy wanted to say more, like that they would all get together at some point, but she didn’t want to overcommit. Not when Brandon was just learning about her and her family and she didn’t know how everything was going to play out.

  She knew her parents would be thrilled to finally meet him.

  “Brandon,” she said slowly. “What happened all those years ago was about me. I was young and scared and I didn’t know what to do. Pete and Abbey were so great that I knew they deserved you. I wanted what was best for you.”

  And easiest for her, she thought with a flash of guilt.

  Yet even as she started to beat herself up, she wondered if she really could have done a better job raising him. She’d been a kid with no job, no education. She had many great qualities, but she wasn’t a born mother, like Abbey. Could she truly say that keeping Brandon would have been better for him?

  Before he could say anything, there was a knock on the front door. Crissy and Brandon walked toward it, then Brandon broke into a run and jerked open the front door.

  “Uncle Josh,” he said, flinging himself at the man. “You came. Mom tried to call you before, but you didn’t answer.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling Brandon close. “My battery went out on my pager. I didn’t realize it until I figured out it had been quiet for too long.”

  He looked at her over Brandon’s head. “Is everything all right?”

  All the strength drained out of her. She, too, wanted to be in his capable arms and have him hold her close. She wanted to know that he would take care of her and whatever problems she had.

  “Hope got sick,” Brandon said. “Her asthma was really bad and she couldn’t breathe. Mom had to call nine-one-one. Dad’s at a fire and you didn’t answer your pager and the neighbors are all gone, so she called Crissy. Emma was real scared when the ambulance arrived. She’s asleep now. Crissy came and we watched a movie and made hot chocolate.”

  “Sounds like things here are under control,” Josh said as he watched her. “You okay?”

  She wasn’t sure, but she didn’t want to say that in front of Brandon. So she nodded.

  “Good.” Josh released his nephew and smiled at him. “I think PJs are in order.”

  “Mom said we could sleep on the sofa in the family room. You know, together, so Emma doesn’t get scared.”
r />   “Good idea. Go get changed and we’ll all crash on the sofa. How does that sound?”

  “Great.”

  Brandon ran down the hall.

  When they were alone, Josh crossed to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “What’s wrong? You look upset. Did the Hope thing freak you out?”

  “It was horrible, but no. Abbey handled all that.” She glanced around to make sure Brandon hadn’t returned, then lowered her voice. “He knows who I am. When Emma fell asleep, he asked me if I was his birth mother. I didn’t know what to say. He overheard Pete and Abbey talking a couple of days ago. I felt so horrible that he’d been carrying that around inside.”

  Josh swore softly. “I’m with you on that. Poor kid. What did you tell him?”

  “The truth. That I was. We’ve been talking about it, but I don’t know if I said too much or not enough. I don’t know if he’s all right or more confused. What if he hates me?”

  Josh leaned in and kissed her. “He doesn’t hate you. He totally respects how you play football and for a twelve-year-old boy, that’s close to worship.”

  She wanted that to be true, although at this point, just tolerating her seemed like a win.

  “I feel so bad that he had to go through that alone,” she said. “What if I made things worse?”

  “You didn’t,” Josh said firmly. “Want me to talk to him and confirm my theory?”

  “That would be great.”

  Josh saw the worry in Crissy’s eyes and heard the concern in her voice. He liked that she’d connected so much with Brandon. Now that the kid knew the truth, there was no going back. Having Crissy care so much would make things easier for Brandon.

  “Be right back,” he said and followed his nephew down that hall. A quick glance at his watch told him it was after ten. In another hour he would call the hospital and check on Hope’s condition.

  He walked into Brandon’s room. “You ready for some serious relaxation?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Josh sat on the boy’s bed and patted the spot next to him. “Have a seat.”

  Brandon eyed him warily. “What? Oh.” His expression cleared. “Crissy told you what I said.”