Baby, It's Christmas & Hold Me, Cowboy Read online

  He made a face but pulled out a can for her. When he reached for a glass, she snagged the container from him. “I never bother,” she said. “It just means something more to put in the dishwasher and something more to return to the cupboard.”

  “A woman after my own heart,” he said, collecting a regular cola drink for himself and following her back into the family room.

  Kelly settled on one end of the sofa, while he took the other. Afternoon sunlight spilled into the room, making her medium-blond hair seem a little lighter. He’d only ever seen her with it pulled back into a braid or fastened up on her head. He wondered how long it was when it was loose and how it would look tumbling around her face.

  The image produced instant heat inside of him. He realized then how distracted he’d been with Lia. He’d been alone with Kelly several times in the past couple of days and hadn’t been able to appreciate that she was funny, intelligent and easy on the eye. Not that he was interested in her that way. She was helping out, and he was grateful. They were friends, nothing more. They had to be. For one thing, Kelly wasn’t his type. For another, he had a child to think of now. He couldn’t keep practicing his own version of serial monogamy. Lia would get confused.

  He popped the top on his soda. “I almost forgot to ask,” he said. “How was the delivery?”

  Kelly sighed as her face took on a look of radiance. “It was great. Everything went perfectly.” She paused. “The mother might take issue with that. After all, she spent several hours in labor. But the birth was smooth and easy on the baby. They had a healthy little boy, and both the parents are thrilled.” She looked at him. “Usually when I deliver a child, I rarely get to see him or her again, so it’s nice to be able to follow up with one of my babies. Lia is doing very well.”

  “I hope so. She seems okay. I’m glad that Patricia’s going to be her pediatrician.”

  “Nothing like having a doctor in the family?” Kelly asked.

  “Exactly.”

  She leaned back against the sofa. “So how did you pick Lia for her name?”

  “Actually, her real name is Cecilia, after my mom, but I thought we could call her Lia. It’s a little more contemporary, not to mention easier for her to spell.”

  “That’s so nice. Your mom must be thrilled.”

  Tanner set his soda on the coffee table. “My parents are both dead. They died when Ryan and I were really young.”

  Kelly frowned. “I didn’t know that. I’m so sorry.”

  The phone rang. He reached for it and spoke into the receiver. “Hello?”

  He listened as a man on the other end talked for a couple of minutes. Tanner started laughing. “Yeah. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but they’re mine.” He paused and listened. “No, I appreciate you following up on them. Thanks.” He hung up. “You’re not going to believe who that was,” he said.

  “Tell me.”

  “My credit card company. They wanted to confirm a very large charge to a baby store. Apparently that purchase didn’t match my normal charging pattern, and the computer flagged my account.”

  She laughed. “They’d better get used to that kind of thing with you. There’s going to be lots more for you to buy.”

  “I don’t want to think about it.”

  She picked up the teddy bear that Patricia and Ryan had brought for Lia. “Isn’t he a charmer,” she said, smoothing the soft fur around the stuffed animal’s face. “Bears have always been my favorite.”

  Her expression turned wistful as she rubbed the animal’s head.

  “Tell me again why you don’t have a dozen kids of your own,” he said impulsively.

  Something dark and painful slipped across her eyes. Then she blinked, and it was gone. “Interesting question for which I don’t have an equally interesting answer,” she said lightly. “But you’re the important one right now. I want to know how you’re feeling. Is the panic under control?”

  “Seems to be,” he said, recognizing that she was deliberately changing the subject but not sure he should let her. Then he remembered that she was being kind enough to give up one of her weekends to help him with his daughter. He owed her. More important, her personal life was none of his business.

  He glanced at his watch. “Hour four of having her home and all is well.”

  “I’m glad.” She stood up. “I thought I could go to the grocery store. I’m guessing you don’t have a lot of food in the house, and it’s not as if you can go out easily. Then I’m available to assist with the baby care. That is, if you still want me to stay over.”

  “Are you kidding? I won’t make it without you.”

  She smiled. “Then what about making a list?”

  But even as he went through his cupboards and figured out what he had and what he needed, he couldn’t get those words out of his head. I won’t make it without you. They’d both known what he meant when he said it. He was talking about Lia and his lack of parental experience. Nothing more. But for a moment he wondered how his life would be different if he could for once allow himself to really need someone.

  Chapter 6

  Kelly stirred and rolled over. She opened her eyes and saw that it was a little after two in the morning. She blinked as she looked at the unfamiliar room. This wasn’t her apartment and it wasn’t the hospital. Where...

  Then her memory returned. She was at Tanner’s house, in one of the spare bedrooms. Unlike Lia’s room, this one hadn’t been remodeled. Old-fashioned wallpaper still covered the walls, contrasting with the heavy drapes on the window.

  Kelly stretched and tried to figure out what had awakened her. Was it Lia? She looked at the clock again. She’d expected to be up before now to help Tanner, or even take over one of the feedings. Oh well, now that she was awake, she might as well check on the baby.

  Kelly threw back the covers and stood up. She’d deliberately worn sweats and a T-shirt to bed so all she had to do was fumble for her slippers and slide them on. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and made her way into the hall.

  The house was all shadows. Lia’s door stood open, and she could see the faint light from a Disney night-light illuminating a patch of hardwood flooring. As she stepped into the room, a slight movement caught her attention. She looked up and saw Tanner standing by the window.

  Kelly froze in place, staring. Tanner wore jeans and nothing else. He held his tiny daughter in his arms, cradling her against his bare chest and rocking her gently. Moonlight filtered through the half-open blinds, highlighting, then shading, the shape of his shoulders, the muscles in his arms, the warm color of his skin.

  Deep in her stomach, something stirred to life. Some small producer of female hormones, some long-dormant cells secreted a forgotten bit of magic that made a woman want a man. She felt the first flickering of desire, but it was more than that. Her attraction wasn’t just to the perfectly muscled body but also to the tenderness inherent in those incredibly strong hands. A woman could trust a man who held a baby with such tenderness.

  She knew she hadn’t made a sound, but Tanner turned toward her. “Did I wake you?” he asked softly. “I tried to be quiet.”

  “It wasn’t noise that got my attention,” she admitted, “but the absence of it. I came to check on Lia.”

  “Great minds,” he said. “That’s what I was doing. She was awake and looked hungry, so I got her a bottle, then changed her diaper. She ate great and is already back to sleep.” He smiled. “I couldn’t figure out why she was sleeping so much, but then I got a look at her diaper. It must take a lot of energy to produce all that waste product.”

  Kelly laughed. “Waste product, huh? Interesting way to describe it.”

  He was the kind of man women dreamed about meeting—handsome, charming, successful. So why was he awake at two in the morning holding a child?

 
“Who are you, Tanner Malone?” she asked before she could stop herself.

  “You mean why me, why her?” he asked, nodding at Lia. “I guess I’m just one man who wants to do the right thing. I’m terrified but trying.”

  “That’s all anyone can ask of you.”

  “Oh, I think Lia is going to have more expectations than that, but I have some time before I have to worry about them.”

  She’d been wrong about him. She realized that now. All those months she’d been Lucy’s doctor, listening to her patient grumble about the guy who’d knocked her up and had then insisted she have the baby, but who didn’t want responsibility for it. Kelly had been furious with both of them for being careless during sex, but she’d been angrier with Tanner. It was easy for men, because they didn’t get pregnant. They just walked away from the problem. Except Tanner hadn’t.

  She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest. “I was wrong about you,” she said, her voice low. “I’ve been angry at you for most of Lucy’s pregnancy. I thought you were an irresponsible bastard who’d gotten caught and wanted out. But I was wrong about all of it. I’m sorry, Tanner.”

  He was quiet for a long time, just staring at her in the darkness and rocking Lia. “Thank you for apologizing,” he said at last. “That means a lot to me. But you were also right about me. Not about me being irresponsible. We used a condom. As an obstetrician, I’m sure you’re very aware that they sometimes fail. But about the rest of it. When Lucy told me she was pregnant, I didn’t know what to think.”

  He turned back to the window. Kelly didn’t feel that he was shutting her out as much as protecting himself. As if he was embarrassed or ashamed of what he was saying. She wanted to go to him and touch him, tell him that she understood. But they didn’t know each other that well. Instead she stood her ground and waited.

  “The entire relationship was a mistake. In fact, calling it a relationship gives it more credit than it deserves. It was in early February. We met at a party. I hadn’t had a woman in my life for a long time. It was crowded—we were both in the mood. And then I took her home and one thing led to another. I knew it was dumb even then, but what the hell, right?” He glanced down at his daughter. “Sorry, sweetie, I know I’m not supposed to swear.”

  “You don’t have to tell me this,” Kelly said, more because she thought she should than because she didn’t want to know.

  “Probably not, but I think it’s important information.” He walked over to the crib and set Lia down on her back. “We said goodbye, and I never expected to see her again. About two months later she called to tell me she was pregnant. Apparently she’d been debating whether or not to inform me. I think her plan had been to go get an abortion and get on with her life.”

  Kelly thought about Lucy and realized Tanner had summed up the other woman fairly accurately. Lucy had not been thrilled to be pregnant.

  “I didn’t want her to do that,” he said. “I didn’t want the kid, either, but I wanted her to carry it to term.” He leaned over and stroked his daughter’s cheek. “Thank God. Lucy fought me, but eventually I convinced her. I promised to cover all the out-of-pocket medical expenses her policy didn’t. We both agreed to give the baby up for adoption.”

  He glanced at Kelly. In the dimly lit room, it was impossible to see what he was thinking. “I swear that’s what I planned to do. Right up until the day she was born. Then something happened. I guess she went from being an abstraction to something real. And I couldn’t walk away from that...or her.”

  Kelly dropped her arms to her sides. “I feel responsible for a part of that,” she said. “If I hadn’t let you hold her, you wouldn’t have bonded.”

  His teeth flashed white. “I don’t think so. While it would be really nice to be able to blame you, it’s not your fault. If I hadn’t wanted Lia, all the holding in the world wouldn’t have changed my mind.”

  Kelly wasn’t so sure. “Something happens when a parent holds his or her newborn for the first time.”

  “Do you think holding her would have changed Lucy’s mind?”

  His quiet question made her pause. She’d checked her patient before Lucy had been released. The younger woman had expressed only relief at having her pregnancy behind her. She hadn’t mentioned anything about the baby or what was happening to her.

  “No, I don’t,” she admitted.

  “So that proves my point.” He straightened. “Tell you what, Doc, you can be guilty about any number of things in your life, but you’re going to have to let this one go. You’re not responsible for Lia.” He motioned to the room. “But I do owe you. You’ve been a great help, and I want to return the favor. I can fix the plumbing, remodel a bathroom, hang wallpaper—you name it.”

  “I’ll have to let you know,” Kelly said, thinking of her small, spare apartment. The management company handled any maintenance problems she had. She’d never done much of anything to make her three-room place a home, not even for the holidays. Especially then. For her the apartment was utilitarian, nothing more. She hadn’t had a true home since she was seventeen.

  “You do that,” he said. “Because I’m not going to forget what I owe you.”

  Somewhere in the house a clock chimed.

  “It’s late,” Tanner told her. “We’d better get to bed and get some sleep while we can. I have a feeling this little girl is going to be up a couple more times before sunrise.”

  “You’re right.”

  She turned to leave. At least that was her intent, but somehow her gaze got locked with his. She told herself to look away, to start walking back to her room, but she couldn’t move. Her legs were too heavy, and those suddenly awake hormones were busy swaying through her body, leaving her weak and wanting.

  As she watched, his attention seemed to drift downward...toward her mouth. She told herself it was her imagination. That he wasn’t thinking about kissing her any more than she was thinking about being in his arms. That she didn’t wonder about how strong he would feel, or the warmth of his bare skin under her fingers. And that she’d never even once fantasized about the firmness of his lips or how his tongue would taste.

  Then, because her thoughts both frightened and excited her, she turned on her heel and escaped.

  * * *

  “So when can I buy one of the backpack baby carriers?” Tanner asked. He sat on one of the stools and leaned his forearms on the counter that divided the kitchen from the family room.

  Kelly stood at the stove, stirring spaghetti sauce. She inhaled the spicy-sweet fragrance. In another hour or so, it would be finished. They would have some tonight, and she would freeze the rest for Tanner to heat up. If he’d thought he’d eaten on the run before, he was in for a shock. There was nothing like having a baby around to interfere with regularly scheduled meals.

  “She has to be able to hold up her head,” Kelly told him. “You can get the front kind of baby pack fairly soon. They protect the infant’s neck more.”

  “Right.” He made a note on the pad of paper in front of him.

  “How’s the list coming?” she asked.

  “Not bad. I can’t believe I have to go to that baby store again. I didn’t think there was anything we hadn’t bought.”

  Kelly laughed. “Babies are like that. But you’re getting the hang of it.”

  He looked at the baby monitor, then at his watch. “I’m starting to. I figure we’ve got another half hour before we hear the first stirrings from Lia. At least she’s sleeping a bunch. I like that. Now if only she’d stop leaving that junk in her diaper.”

  “You’ll get used to it.”

  “Maybe. The thing is, I don’t want to.”

  Tanner’s grin was boyish and contagious. Kelly had to turn her attention back to her sauce before she said or did something stupid. She’d been in Tanner’s house barely forty-eight ho
urs and already the man was getting to her. Knowing why didn’t make him easier to resist.

  It was just situational, she thought. Being around a man bonding with a baby was fairly irresistible. Then there was the additional problem of her life. She’d spent most of it living like a nun. She didn’t encourage men, and she wasn’t beautiful enough that they came on to her regardless of the signals she sent. Add to that her impossible schedule throughout her years in medical school and during her residency. All together, it made perfect sense for her to respond to the first good-looking single guy to do more than say hi to her.

  The trick would be keeping him from figuring it out. She liked being friends with Tanner, and she did not want him feeling sorry for her. She didn’t know what his type was, but she was reasonably confident it wasn’t her. He would prefer flashier women. Those who had time to develop a sense of style and adventure. She was cotton sensible and not the least bit romantic. He would want Miss July with a brain.

  “We need to get some toys,” Tanner said, continuing to work on his list. “Lia has the mobile above her bed and the bear that Patricia and Ryan brought. I definitely want another mobile for above the changing table, but that’s not enough.” He tapped his pen against the counter. “She’s too young for dolls, right?”

  “Just a little.” Kelly shook her head. “She’s a newborn. Toys are not a big priority right now.”

  “But they will be. And Christmas is coming.”

  “It’s still a month away.”

  “Right. Only a month. I’m a dad now. Christmas is my responsibility. What about all that educational stuff? So she can learn to recognize shapes and colors. When does that start?”

  “Not this week. In fact, the most exciting event you can look forward to in the next month is her lifting up her head while she’s on her stomach.”

  “Okay. So she won’t be reading anytime soon, but I still want to buy her some toys.”