Why Not Tonight Page 16

  More people joined them. Ronan got a beer and saw Atsuko had brought a date—a much younger blond man who looked at her as if she were the only woman alive. Carol’s father and uncle—Ed and Ted—had shown up, along with several of Ronan’s interns. There was a pile of presents in one corner and a buffet set out along the back wall.

  Ronan excused himself to find Natalie. She was talking to a very pale Pallas.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked his sister-in-law.

  She waved her glass. “Living on ginger ale and crackers,” she said. “The diet of champions. Or in my case, pregnant women. Happy birthday.” She took a sip. “Did I know you two were dating?”

  Natalie shrugged. “I’m not sure. Did you?”

  Pallas groaned. “I’m in a weakened state. Please don’t mess with my already shaky mental ability.”

  Natalie glanced at him, then turned back to her friend. “It’s casual. We weren’t going to mention it, but people seem to have found out.”

  Ronan wasn’t sure he liked the description of “casual” but he was in no position to correct her.

  “You make a cute couple,” Pallas said. “Unexpected, but cute.”

  He wondered what was unexpected about them. They were both artists and had other similar interests. He supposed Pallas’s surprise came from the fact that Natalie was so cheerful and always saw the positive in every situation where he did not.

  Nick and Mathias joined them. “How are you enjoying the party?” Nick asked.

  “It’s great,” he lied, although he was having a better time than he’d expected. Most likely because he was with Natalie.

  “We’re signed up for the outdoor charity challenge next month. You probably saw the signs out front. It’ll be the five of us.”

  The information processed slowly. Ronan had seen the signs—the outdoor challenge was a charity event with everything from a 5K to a tug-of-war. He had no problem with the individual events. It was the team that got his attention.

  What five was the obvious question, only he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

  “Del and Aidan flying in?” he asked instead.

  “Yup. Mitchell brothers rule.”

  Nick’s gaze was steady, his tone firm, as if he was doing his damnedest to make sure Ronan knew there was no getting out of this. That he was one of the brothers and expected to attend.

  Ronan glanced toward the door and thought longingly of his solitary house on the mountain. How he could be alone there and happy to be so. Only being on his own hadn’t been all that successful for him. He’d stopped working and he’d been lonely. He reminded himself that the best times of his life had been spent with his brothers. He should be grateful Nick was being a hard-ass about the whole thing.

  “I’m in,” he said quickly before he could change his mind.

  His brother relaxed. “Awesome. I’ll let the others know.”

  Natalie moved next to him and smiled. “We’re going to start the dart competition in a few minutes. Want to be on my team?”

  He looked into her brown eyes and saw smug confidence. “Let me guess. You’re as good at darts as you are at flying paper airplanes.”

  “It’s kind of the same thing. Aim and throw.”

  He put his arm around her. “You have unexpected depths.”

  “I know. Makes me pretty irresistible.”

  She was teasing, but he knew there was truth to her words. And while she was a temptation, she was one he was going to have to resist. What they were doing was fine. Anything more would cross the line...for both of them.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  NATALIE WAS DEFINITELY feeling her wine. She’d had a great time at Ronan’s birthday party, but even more important, he’d enjoyed himself, as well. She’d kicked his manly butt at darts, had watched him talk and laugh with his brothers, and then when the night had gotten late, Ronan had pulled her close and they’d danced. She was tipsy, tired and totally happy.

  Ronan held her hand as they walked back to the gallery where they’d parked their cars. She was going to ask him to drive her home—there was no way she wanted to drive and it was a little too far for her to walk. She knew she needed the exercise, but the thought of getting home and just sliding into bed was way more appealing.

  “What?” he asked as they crossed the street. “You’re smiling.”

  “You had a good time.”

  “I did. You were right about the party.”

  “Ha!”

  He chuckled. “I didn’t want to go and you said I had to and you were right.”

  “Double ha! See? You like hanging out with people. You’re practically normal.”

  “Practically.”

  She laughed. “There’s still some work to do, but progress has been made.”

  “You think you’re so smart.”

  “I am so smart, and you have a great family. Nick and Mathias are the best. I don’t know Del and Aidan, but I’m sure they’re just as wonderful. You’re lucky.”

  Some emotion she couldn’t name moved across his face and the humor faded from his eyes.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “When I was a kid, I always thought I took after Elaine.”

  “You mean your mother?”

  He ignored her. “I thought I had her sense of humor and that we thought the same way. I was wrong.”

  “You weren’t.”

  They reached the gallery. She turned to face him. Despite the late hour, the streetlights illuminated the parking lot.

  “You weren’t wrong,” she repeated. “You have to see that. What you saw in yourself was a reflection of the woman who raised you. You saw her love and responded to it.”

  “She lied to me.”

  “She did what she thought was best under difficult circumstances. Honestly, you have got to get over this. You’re being ridiculous. Worse, you’re hurting her. Elaine’s big crime is taking you in and loving you like one of her own. Boo hoo.”

  His expression tightened. “She lied about who I was and our relationship every day of my life. I have no idea who I really am. All I have is my father, and trust me, you don’t want a man like Ceallach Mitchell to be all you are.”

  “You’re nothing like your father.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. Annoyance was turning into genuine anger—an unusual occurrence for her.

  “I see you every day, Ronan. You’re a good guy. You love your brothers. You do great work. You’re not mean or cruel or any of those things. Get over yourself. So you have a bit of a mystery in your past. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”

  She narrowed her gaze. “The reason you’re having all the trouble you are is that you’ve cut yourself off from the one person you loved most in the world. You’ve cut yourself off from the woman who loved you and raised you. You have this stupid idea that just because she didn’t push you out of her vagina, she’s not your mother. Well, I have news for you. Adoption is a totally viable way of raising a kid.”

  She turned her back on him, walked away three steps, then faced him again. “You know what? You’re lucky. Elaine could have said, ‘Hell, no,’ when she found out about her husband’s affair and the fact that there was a kid. Most women would have. Then you would have been thrown into the foster care system and who knows what would have happened to you. Instead you were taken in and raised as one of her own. According to Nick and Mathias, everyone thought you were the favorite. How is that bad? How?”

  Her voice was a little louder than usual, but she no longer cared.

  Ronan looked away. “You don’t understand.”

  “You’re right.” She walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “I don’t understand. I don’t and I never will. You know why? Because you still have family. You still have people who love you. You still have a
mother.”

  Tears burned in her eyes. “I lost mine. She was my best friend, my only family, and I lost her. My dad was killed before I was born, so she was all I had. And then she was gone. You have no idea what that was like. I thought we were going to have another fifty years, but she got sick and then she died and I was totally alone. When I met Quentin, I thought I was going to be part of a family again. In fact, it was just as hard to lose that, when he dumped me, as to lose him. I thought I was going to have it all and I ended up with nothing. I don’t have family and that’s what I can’t forgive. You have everything.”

  She brushed away tears. “I got over Quentin but I will never get over losing my mom. Do you know what I would give to have just one day with her? One day. Ten years of my life. Twenty. The rest of it. Just one day to talk to her and hold her and see her s-smile at me.”

  Sobs clawed at her throat, but she held them back. “Damn you, Ronan. How dare you not appreciate what you have. You aren’t the only one who has lost something. Everyone has. It’s part of the human condition. You could make this right. You could call her and make it right, but you’d rather sulk and pity yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Stop acting like it does.”

  She wiped away her tears. Ronan stared at her, obviously shocked by her outburst. Well, fine. She was pissed and he deserved what she’d said.

  “It’s all true. Every word and you know it.” She sucked in a breath. “I can’t be with you right now. I’m going to walk home. Just leave me alone.”

  “Natalie, no. It’s late. I’ll drive you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “It’s Happily Inc. Nothing’s going to happen to me. Just go away.”

  She turned and started walking. All sleepiness had faded. Anger gave her energy and purpose. She supposed she should feel bad about what she’d said, but she didn’t. Ronan deserved that and more. When she thought about losing her mom and how horrible that had been, she nearly wanted to slap him. He was being selfish and shortsighted. He didn’t know how lucky he was.

  About halfway to her apartment, she became aware of his truck a block or so behind her, keeping pace. Because he wanted to make sure she was safe.

  She thought about stopping and telling him she would really rather he left her alone and called his mother instead, but she didn’t. She kept walking, and when she reached her place, she went inside without once looking back.

  After washing her face and changing into pajamas, she went into her small bedroom and sat on the floor. She pulled a box out from under the bed and opened it.

  Inside were photographs of her with her mother or her mom by herself, including one picture of her mother as a bride, standing next to the father Natalie had never known.

  He was a mystery to her. A figure she’d only heard about. She supposed she should miss him as well as her mom, but he was little more than a concept. Her mother had been real.

  Natalie turned back to the box. There were a few pieces of jewelry, some favorite paintbrushes and the Kaleta family Bible, along with a beautifully embroidered shrug her mother had worn whenever she wanted to feel “fancy” and a tube of her favorite lipstick. Silly things, items that would have no value to anyone else. Natalie picked up the pictures and looked through them until the tears filling her eyes made it impossible to see anything. Still crying, she put them back in the box before curling up on the floor and sobbing for the one person who couldn’t be with her anymore.

  * * *

  RONAN DIDN’T SLEEP at all. He tried for about an hour, then gave up and went into his studio. Not that he could work by himself. Anything he was doing for his commission required multiple hands and even he wasn’t enough of an asshole to call up his assistants at two in the morning.

  He paced for a while, then went into the kitchen and made coffee, but that wasn’t an escape. He could remember what it had been like to have Natalie in his house. How easy she’d made everything. How even now he could see her everywhere.

  He’d never thought of her as touched by tragedy. Her story had shocked him. He’d known she lost her mother but hadn’t considered the event had been traumatic. She’d never talked about missing her, not the way she had tonight—he’d had no idea she’d suffered that much. She was so upbeat and happy all the time, yet underneath, she had her pain. Why hadn’t he known that before?

  He’d hurt her, he thought as he carried his coffee back into the studio. Not directly, but she felt pain all the same. She thought he was wrong and unappreciative. She could be right about both—he didn’t know. But he did get that he had to make things better, not that he had a clue as to how.

  He waited for the oven to get hot enough, then chose his materials. He had another of her origami pieces on his desk—a tiny lion—and studied it before trying to re-create it in glass. The sun was well above the horizon by the time he’d completed what he thought was a halfway decent piece. Then he went into the house to shower.

  He got to the office close to noon and parked next to her shiny red car. It was only after he’d gotten out of his truck that he realized unless Natalie had called someone she would have been forced to walk to work. Something else he would have to answer for, he thought grimly.

  He found her sitting at her desk. She looked pale and her eyes were puffy, as if she’d spent much of the night crying. As she looked up at him, he found himself hoping she wouldn’t apologize. She hadn’t done anything wrong.

  He couldn’t agree with her about Elaine, but he thought he understood how the situation would push her buttons. As for appreciating what he had, when it came to his brothers, he knew she was right. They’d always been there for him and he’d spent the last couple of years being a jackass. All five of them had been lied to and Mathias had lost being a twin. Ronan wasn’t the only brother to have to deal with Ceallach’s crap.

  “You’re late,” she said by way of greeting. “It’s nearly lunchtime. Do you really think you can come and go as you please?”

  Her gaze was steady and he had no idea what she was thinking.

  “Yes,” he told her. “I’m not an employee.”

  “You have all the luck.”

  He set the small glass lion on her desk. “I’m going to do better. It’s an interesting challenge. This is the best one I have for now. You still mad?”

  She picked up the tiny piece of glass and put it on her palm. “I was never mad.”

  “You acted mad.”

  She stood and crossed to the shelf behind her desk. There were over a dozen small origami shapes there and the other piece of glass he’d made for her. She set this one next to it before turning toward him.

  “We’re going to have to agree to disagree.”

  “Can you do that?” he asked.

  “Yes. Mostly. I’m sad about my mom.”

  “I know. I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sorry she’s gone. I understand that you miss her.”

  “More than miss her.”

  He nodded, not sure what else to say. “I’m sorry I upset you and I’m sorry I don’t appreciate what you think I have.”

  “What I think you have? Meaning you don’t agree with the premise?”

  “Elaine is not my mother.”

  “You’re a stupid butthead.” She sighed. “But it’s not my rock, so I’m going to put it down now. I believe in my heart of hearts you are as wrong as it is possible to be. You live in wrongness about your mom. You wallow in it. But it’s your decision to make.”

  “Even if I’m wrong?”

  Her gaze was steady, her expression serious. “Yes. Even if.”

  “So you still like me?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Are we still...together?”

  A question he hadn’t planned on asking, but as he spoke the words, he felt a tension in his gut. He didn’t want to lose Natalie. He liked having her around. He liked her and them and how
things were now, as opposed to how they’d been before she’d stumbled into his life.

  She walked around the desk, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He held her close, breathing in the scent of her.

  “You’re not easy,” she whispered.

  “I know.”

  “I’m still upset.”

  “I know.”

  “But I’m not going anywhere.”

  Relief was cool and sweet and happy. The bands around his chest eased as he took his first deep breath in hours.

  “Thank you.”

  * * *

  THE FLOWERS ARRIVED close to three o’clock. Natalie stared at the huge arrangement of roses, lilies, cymbidium orchids and hydrangea that stood nearly two feet high. The blooms were fresh and colorful but what most caught her attention was the vase. It was a swirl of clear and silver glass she didn’t think had been sitting on the florist’s shelf. She had a feeling it was a custom piece made by a famous glass artist and worth, well, way more than her car!

  When her breathing returned to normal, she sank into her chair and touched one of the petals. No one had ever sent her flowers before. Not Quentin or any other boyfriend. She had always supposed she wasn’t the type of woman to inspire flower-giving. At least she hadn’t been before now, and wasn’t it odd that despite the value of the vase, the flowers were even more special?

  There was a small card tucked in with the blooms. She opened it and read the single word. Tonight? She recognized the handwriting and knew Ronan had written the card himself. Probably when he’d delivered the vase.

  She knew nothing had changed. Ronan still didn’t appreciate what he had and she still didn’t understand. The question was, could she overlook that? She supposed she already had, in a way. She understood that each of them had a different path to travel. That his inability to see what he was turning his back on made him who he was. That even though she wanted to change him, she really couldn’t—he could only change himself.

  On the other hand, progress had been made. He was less isolated than he had been and he was working again. While she would love to take credit for all of that, the truth was he’d made the decision to let her in. He could have offered her housing during the storm and then have had nothing to do with her. At least he wasn’t cutting himself off from his brothers anymore.